These Days

Nice short piece,  I have high hopes that you don't accept the lies in this for yourself.. Walk not in what you feel, feelings will lie to you. When you turn the focus outward often we find we are more than the labels we adhere to voluntarily... I was a little lost on the amusement park line, but love the line "I'm afraid to look in the mirror, because it might look back.  Simple yet delivers the message perfectly.  If y'all ever wanna talk I'm here.

Right now I'm at a university and with everything I do I become more keenly aware of how stupid I am. I am just so aware of my lack of intelligence. The amusement park is what I know is there, like the mathematical proof that I just can't see (I'm a math major), or the idea I just can't quite get. Because of that I'm missing out on the fun of the rides, and though I hear the clamor and roar, I can't experience it. But it isn't the best or most "poetic" analogy, I just like the way it sounded as a metaphor for stupidity.

not sure if this helps you or not, but 3 thoughts that came to my mind while reading this :

1) "becoming aware of how stupid you are" >> "thinking you know everything"

2) it's easy for me to say, but maybe a (gradual (I don't think this can happen all at once)) change of perspective from "i dont understand x" to "i have to get used to x " to "i'm slowly getting used to x" (doesn't matter if you are or aren't, since (from my perspective) you are, especially if you at least try to get through the proofs) would allow you to have more fun/at least some fun in the first semesters of getting used to it ... believe me, you WILL get used to it & it will be great ( just don't "negate" that 1) please :D )

3) nobody expects you to speak perfect French after 3 months of study, not even after 3 years

(sorry for the pseudo relations, I'm a lazy man :) )

Quoi? Comment vous avez sait j'appren francais? I'm literally in French 202 right now, and it's going pretty bad. The final's tomorrow lol. Thanks for the encouragement. The thing is, I know I could be considered "smart," but the thing is in math I'm constantly waging a war against my own stupidity. "Why can't I see this?" "Why don't I understand?" Questions that come up daily. It's like I know, but it just won't connect, like there's some neuron out of place or something. I took the Putnam, actually just a few days ago, and that test kinda shows how math just is so much cleverer than we are.

I have had like days. The mirror is a cruel object of deception.