The Hardest Thing I've had to do

The first time I saw you,
you were sifting in between the books
in the Horror section of Books-A-Million.
That moment it felt like a million butterflies
were all simultaneously flapping their wings
inside of me.
I didn’t know at the time that you
would mean this much to me.
You see,
I wouldn’t say I am the loving type.
I’d much rather call you a cab in the morning
than have to deal with the stress of always needing to be enough.
I would much rather sleep with only my demons invading
the empty corridors of my mind
than having yours linger there also.
I was not ready for that type of commitment
but you, you were.
I should come with a label that is stamped
on my forehead reading:
Warning​ ​this​ ​person​ ​is​ ​toxic.
May​ ​contain​ ​commitment​ ​issues.
For​ ​your​ ​own​ ​safety,
don’t​ ​get​ ​attached.
But I guess you didn’t get the memo.
No one ever gets the memo.
I didn’t know at the time that your smile
would cause the earth to shake beneath our feet.
And at the time I didn’t know that your laugh
Could make my heart smile.
Because I had never planned on loving you,
And I think that was the hardest thing for me to do.