Depressive State

To me it's just another day, no different than yesterday  
Feeling no better than I ever have
 I'm sure tommorow will be no different  
I feel If I'm walking through life blindfolded, for the world I see is dark  
Haven't seen light in years  
I'm lost, stumbling along helpless  
Screaming out in silence, looking for a away out  
Years of not caring
 Waiting on the promise of a better day  
Remembering fighting depression as far back as a child  
Always have looked for ways to numb the pain, at least for a short time I'll feel better  
A false appreciation for life, one for which I'd never cared  
Its not that I am anti social
 All my life having many friends  
Wanting nothing more than to just to fit in, wasn't concerned if I didn't  
Wanting to be left alone, most days anyway  
I'd sleep for days
 Back them days, I wasn't just coming down  
Still remembering how I felt them days, seemed always to be looking for a way out    
I'd gave up on tomorrow being better, just wanted my life to be done  
You could say I gave it my all, but that would be a lie  
I didn't care at all about myself, so why the hell would I care about you  
Wasn't listening to your advice, I don't believe I asked for help  
Many years I only cared about myself
 Many days felt as I was nothing  
Never been ambitious, many days struggling just to get through  
I took medication for years, maybe felt tired and sedated nothing more  
That fine by me, I had a good reason to sleep    
A better excuse than the one I had, being dr. ordered  
Today I'm doing better, slowly starting to figure life out  
A son and a girlfriend in which I love, feelings I've never felt  
Looking forward to brighter tommorow, always knew existed  
Until now I didn't care to make  
   
GBW