I'm Me Again

It's in a competition and I'd like to make it as good as possible. :)

I like the direction you took with this poem in regard the theme of the comp.

Your structuring and rhyme are well thought out and composed,
and the use of different fonts well defines the conversations/comments.

I can not see where any suggestion from me would improve it.

Nicely done and a worthy entry.

"Break a leg!"  (not literal)  :-)

I've effectively delivered everything I intended; it is an accurate  attempt at art.

I like this poem

Thank you for taking the time to comment :)

personally, it feels a little shallow.  a little childish, petty, really.  It doesnt  make me respect you, unfortunately.

i'm sorry to say it smells insincere.

It's autobiographical but admittedly not fresh. I'm still not sure why it seems inauthentic though. Do you dislike the simple rhyme scheme and thus call it shallow?  

combination of rhyme scheme which is both simple and inconsistent, and subject matter.

casual reference to mother and the way you appear to turn her opinion round in a few cock-eyed lines.
cliche and irritating humblebragging about your self-improvement since.

im not calling it *bad* per se, the emphasis experiments are pretty nice, there's a good grasp of prosody,  it just seems immature.

i admit i havent given criticism in a while and should have led with a positive.

The rhyme scheme is different in each stanza intentionally as are the font changes. Towards the end I have a stanza that takes each different rhyme from the different conversations.

There's an emphasis on sweet to hint that mom doesn't actually like the ex. It's not humblebtagging. The contest was about the positive outcome of breaking up and showing that the relationship was harmful from a medical standpoint is highlighting the negativity the relationship brought. Yes, the rhyming is simple. Personally, leading in, leaving with or going without positivity doesn't change the points that have been made.

I hope I don't read as defensive. I think you missed a bit of what I was going for (arguably my fault as the author).

well, i would expect defensiveness.  

i would say write it again, when you feel like it, and write it as many ways and as many times as you need.  But if you feel that this is the best outcome, the greatest that you can pull from the experience, i'd disagree with you. And if you still think its enough, i would say you didn't learn enough from the relationship.  which is fine, not every love is a poem.  

Besides rhyme scheme I still don't see what you're not liking. I could write it twice as long and more complicated, but I felt that simple and direct were best given the prompt. I also explained the idiosyncrasies you highlighted, but you did not comment.  Is simple your only critique?

like i said- i'd expect defensiveness.

sayanora lover boy.

What did you do to this piece? I preferred it the first time, without the italics and such :(

I got it, the first time. I'm me again speaks volumes.

I'm happy you got something out of the poem. I do not remember posting it without the italics and other modifications.