deepundergroundpoetry.com
Remembering the Magic of Christmas
Daddy and me
sipping egg nog at three
holidays without
were never complete
the cinnamon spice
and vanilla were nice
but nicer, you see
was Daddy and me
celebrating Christmas
late in the eve
with plaid flannel pjs
and warm slippered feet
a fond memory
was daddy and me
with a cuppa holiday nog
pleasing our bellies
sipping egg nog at three
holidays without
were never complete
the cinnamon spice
and vanilla were nice
but nicer, you see
was Daddy and me
celebrating Christmas
late in the eve
with plaid flannel pjs
and warm slippered feet
a fond memory
was daddy and me
with a cuppa holiday nog
pleasing our bellies
Published 28th Oct 2017
| Edited 6th Dec 2017
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28th Oct 2017 9:07pm
I really enjoyed this snippet of memory ( plus I Love nog ). It jingles along in the tongue like a Carol. 🎵
The only line I felt was short was the final. Each stanza ending has 5 syllables except the last; it contains only four. I would suggest inserting a one-syllable adjective prior to bellies to retain the rhythm.
Very nice.
The only line I felt was short was the final. Each stanza ending has 5 syllables except the last; it contains only four. I would suggest inserting a one-syllable adjective prior to bellies to retain the rhythm.
Very nice.
29th Oct 2017 2:29am
Haha yes! I realized I needed a one syllable adjective! Couldn't think of a good one-- suggestions?
Hahaha! You WOULD ask me that! Everything I thought of yesterday seemed bland! I'm leaning toward 'pleased' to highlight both the assonance of e and consonance of s . . .and rhyme. I also like how it picks up the p in slippered and cuppa.
31st Oct 2017 00:14am
