deepundergroundpoetry.com
...torn apart...
Inside I feel empty,
Torn apart, worn out
Don't know what to write,
But won't pen off
It's like there's something to say,
But it just won't come out
There's voices in my head,
But I can't listen along
Cause it's all but a tone off
Chocking on guilt,
The guilt of letting me down
Fear of regrets to come,
The shake of fate's wrath
Maybe it's not yet too late
But where do i begin? When?
Torn apart, worn out
Don't know what to write,
But won't pen off
It's like there's something to say,
But it just won't come out
There's voices in my head,
But I can't listen along
Cause it's all but a tone off
Chocking on guilt,
The guilt of letting me down
Fear of regrets to come,
The shake of fate's wrath
Maybe it's not yet too late
But where do i begin? When?
Published 27th Oct 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 10
reads 542
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
27th Oct 2017 3:46pm
you begin here
dear Friend!
welcome
to the deep-side community!
expression.
effective.
ink.
dear Friend!
welcome
to the deep-side community!
expression.
effective.
ink.
27th Oct 2017 3:53pm
27th Oct 2017 4:06pm
The only easy day was yesterday, and the only day that matters is today.
There is really good movement to this piece when read. You have great lines that tell us what the speaker is thinking but as a poem goes it is missing a few elements mainly the who and the why. The easiest way to fix some of these issues is to add more concrete images. A poem should alway have images outside the thoughts of the speaker. It gives it more of a three dimensional feel. I also question the last question of when. The time is away now. I enjoyed this one, just my two cents.
There is really good movement to this piece when read. You have great lines that tell us what the speaker is thinking but as a poem goes it is missing a few elements mainly the who and the why. The easiest way to fix some of these issues is to add more concrete images. A poem should alway have images outside the thoughts of the speaker. It gives it more of a three dimensional feel. I also question the last question of when. The time is away now. I enjoyed this one, just my two cents.
27th Oct 2017 4:16pm
27th Oct 2017 5:30pm
@Warriorpoetusmc
Humbled by the fact that you took your time to analyze it
and the advice is priceless...
I'll consider it whenever I write
Humbled by the fact that you took your time to analyze it
and the advice is priceless...
I'll consider it whenever I write
27th Oct 2017 5:32pm
28th Oct 2017 4:56pm
27th Oct 2017 10:17pm
28th Oct 2017 4:59pm
28th Oct 2017 4:59pm
