grow up

i'm losing my head, losing my wit
finding my dread
at a pace faster than it takes
to drive down winding roads at half past eight
i feel like i might belong in my body
but at any moment could rip out my skin
and let myself run to Nowhere
but i'm already in the middle of Nowhere--
a flyover state, gas rates, highways
no way out of the strip malls, cookie cutters, water gun bullets
12 mile distant skyscrapers
neverending roads leading to childhood homes of little gods
never lived like the goonies--damn what a waste of youth
and grocery store bicycles
clouds like cotton balls, i speak in monotone fluff
kiss me and tell me i'm pretty enough

my heart feels warm, my fingertips are cold, my mind's seventeen--
but my body's seven, make me into a girl good enough for Heaven
and the full page of a magazine
i'm a ghost, nearly faded into the back of a classroom
i think i quit trying too soon
throw me into the sun
make me live again
or at least let me breathe till the end of summer
i wanna be sickly sweet skinny forever
i think i need you, hang on to me before we both fall apart
cholesterol-tinged hearts, sad and worried--don't go
i still need to grow up.