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Sometimes The Word Fuck! Is Not Enough
Authors Note: It’s been one of these days in the Scottish Health Service that defies everything – the following is an almost word for word conversation I had today with a renal Consultant Surgeon, apparently the best in Scotland. If there is a god I need her help about now :-) It takes a lot for me to loose my temper, but when I do, even I get out of the way
Sometimes The Word Fuck! Is Not Enough
Hi Mr.Macleod! Take a seat and get yourself comfortable
Why will I be here long?
No, no there’s nothing to worry about
Who said I was worried ?
Just in case you are
Well I’m not
Remember we told you that you had
a 2 mm growth on your right kidney
Yeah?
Well, It was actually your left kidney
Well at least it’s not both LOL
This is hardly a place for levity Mr Macleod
But I haven’t tried to levitate anything! Yet!
Very droll Mr Macleod, Very droll. Well David, I can call you David?
No! It’s either Mr Macleod or Cherry Le Penis. if you prefer
I didn’t know you were Trans, what are your preferred pronouns
Firstly I am not and secondly I prefer nightstick and bottletop
Are you pulling my leg Mr Macleod?
No! It’s you, you are pulling my plunger, can we get on?
Anyway, we told you, you had a 2mm growth on your left kidney
No, you told me right!
But we meant left
You also told me not to worry and that I’d only have to worry if it
started growing over time
Erm yes Kind off,......We then informed you it was 6mm and nothing
to worry about
Yeah!
Then we informed you it was 14mm but nothing to worry about
Yeah!
Well it’s now 26mm – I still don’t think it’s anything to worry about
Well, do you want to know the reason you're not worried?
Well. Well. Well,.
Because it’s not your fuckin growth, it’s not your fuckin kidney and
It’s not your fuckin life!
Need I remind you that we do not tolerate bad language here
Did I call you a cunt yet?
No!
Well stop acting like one
That’s enough Mr Macleod I am shocked at you
Well here’s something else that may shock you – I am raging right now and mainly I am raging at you for being a stupid cunt, you’re meant to be a fuckin consultant, so fuckin consult with some other cunt and get me a second opinion or a biopsy
Mr Macleod I think you have made you point, rather vulgarly, I will see what can be done
No, no, no ! You’ve got a week then I am coming back – don’t make the mistake of looking at this poor cripple and thinking bollocks to him, cause my top half works real good and I will fist beat you to a bloody pulp if you haven’t done what I’ve asked
Is that a threat or a promise Mr Macleod
It’s both Mr Cunty MacCuntface [ Mic drop moment]
Published 13th Oct 2017
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13th Oct 2017 8:45pm
13th Oct 2017 9:50pm
I very rarely loose it like that about 5 times in this life - but sometimes it stacks up :-( thank you for dat love Huge hugs on the return :-)
Anonymous
13th Oct 2017 9:59pm
Jesus, Mary and Joseph! What a jerk! I would say you handled that very well! Even as I read and got more pissed, I also got more proud. Good for you to defend your right to decent and humane treatment. I have only responded in like manner a few times...in defense of my father and in defense of my grandparents. I confess, I have the redhead gene tucked away out of sight. Such fierce hugs :)
14th Oct 2017 2:10am
some times loosing it is the right thing to do we will see if it bares results :-) thank you ;-) Big Huge hugs :-)
Anonymous
- Edited 13th Oct 2017 10:03pm
13th Oct 2017 9:59pm
I’m feeling ya... I’ve only got one kidney. Pretty sure I have a conversation like this at the hospital at least once a month. It whole heartedly sucks, but at least it produces awesome poetry throwdowns such as this.
It’s now my new theory that people with kidney issues are genetically more likely to say cunt. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it 😉
Thank you for sharing, and of course, hoping things are alright for you.
It’s now my new theory that people with kidney issues are genetically more likely to say cunt. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it 😉
Thank you for sharing, and of course, hoping things are alright for you.
14th Oct 2017 2:13am
I so need to get a card that is an approval for me to swear like a trooper at absolutely anyone in authority :-) I think the devil is taking me one bit at a time (lol) thank you so much for your support :-)
13th Oct 2017 11:04pm
just be grateful it's the consultant
and not the surgeon
who can't tell left from right .. :)
and not the surgeon
who can't tell left from right .. :)
14th Oct 2017 2:18am
strangely when I was first diagnosed they said that I would lose the right leg because of a vascular blockage - I was told that the left leg was fine / normal - I lost the left leg first and then the bad left leg - still waiting for an explanation :-( thank you for the read and the comment ;-)
Anonymous
14th Oct 2017 00:14am
David my friend, I had to giggle at some of this before it was clear, almost immediately, this consultant needs to find another fucking profession...I’m sure I don’t need to say you must keep us updated on this situation and if at all possible, when plowing through then again, give me a whack for me!
A gazillion warm fuzzies sent your way!!
Xoxo Taryn
A gazillion warm fuzzies sent your way!!
Xoxo Taryn
14th Oct 2017 2:22am
14th Oct 2017 3:59pm
David....high five...fist bump....BRAVO!!!
The blatant, insensitivity of this individual is absolutely inexcusable, and completely unacceptable--not only professionally, but more importantly, from simply a humane stand point! What a condescending..... egotistical.... arrogant asshole!
My apologies...but this individual's behavior is incredulous! And while i do appreciate that you were still able to interject your wonderfully wry wit into this piece, the more i read, the angrier i became! There really ought to be some type of disciplinary action taken against this person!
Mo chara chotha`imid...i am so, so very sorry that you faced such an awful ordeal....but also extremely proud of you!!! Please know that i will be keeping you close in thoughts, and sending you plenty of White, and Blue Lite energy! My very best wishes for you!
If i only could, i would accompany you to your next appointment...be right there beside you---throwing more than a few punches of my own! Humongous tight...caring...comforting HUUUGGGSSS--times infinty--for you!
The blatant, insensitivity of this individual is absolutely inexcusable, and completely unacceptable--not only professionally, but more importantly, from simply a humane stand point! What a condescending..... egotistical.... arrogant asshole!
My apologies...but this individual's behavior is incredulous! And while i do appreciate that you were still able to interject your wonderfully wry wit into this piece, the more i read, the angrier i became! There really ought to be some type of disciplinary action taken against this person!
Mo chara chotha`imid...i am so, so very sorry that you faced such an awful ordeal....but also extremely proud of you!!! Please know that i will be keeping you close in thoughts, and sending you plenty of White, and Blue Lite energy! My very best wishes for you!
If i only could, i would accompany you to your next appointment...be right there beside you---throwing more than a few punches of my own! Humongous tight...caring...comforting HUUUGGGSSS--times infinty--for you!
16th Oct 2017 1:12am
sometimes acting out of character and edgy gets things done - we will see :-) thank you so much for your unwavering support and love :-) Huge Big Hugs :-)
Anonymous
16th Oct 2017 6:23pm
Wow, I'd say you handled that pretty well lol ;)
16th Oct 2017 6:35pm
LOL - it was a bit out of left field for me I usually have my rage well in check and anyway my rage made you LOL and that's way more important :-))))))))) thank you for the vote of confidence :-))))))
