The Invisible Fight

Spinning, swaying, blood draining from my head;
This is the feeling I absolutely fret about and dread;
This chronic pain I has become too much that I can take;
Why can't my body give me a much needed break?
Heart pounding as hard as a punk bands drum;
My hands and feet become cold, blue, and painfully numb;
Dizzy, weak, and feel as if I need to try to sleep;
But, instead, I lay in my cocoon bed and silently weep;
Sometimes I believe I cause so much strife;
As this little known illness takes over my entire life;
What have I done to deserve this never ending pain?;
I think I have no reason to try and nothing left to gain;
Slurring speech and a deeply, frozen mind;
My independence is now gone, I've sadly came to find;
Why has my life been taken away from me?;
All I want is to be healthy, content, and maybe even free;
Is that really too much to ask for?;
I am so sick of constantly fainting on the cold, hard floor;
Isolated and fearful is how I often feel;
Why cannot my broken body just try and begin to heal?;
Being a burden has pierced the membrane of my mind;
Is there anything of the old me that I can still find?;
I feel as if my brain will rupture or maybe even explode;
"I'm sorry, but I cannot help you" I am too often told;
Sometimes I feel as if I need to hide and maybe even lie;
As I slowly feel like I am dying on the inside;
My body is in constant agony and no one can tell me why;
As I realize this is my new life, I breakdown and cry;
I am, sadly, in the process of losing my once good health;
It literally feels like my body is attacking itself;
Why cannot I be "normal" and go out with my friends?;
My social life has come to an abrupt and sudden end;
Remember, what you see isn't always what it seems;
This illness has completely crushed my once vibrant dreams;
Black spots fill my vision as I try to get up and stand;
I really need someone to let me grab their outstretched hand;
I have dealt with this illness for far, far too long;
But, I don't feel brave or even close to being strong;
I can no longer read or even try to stop and think;
It's as if my health was gone in one single blink;
My symptoms have given me quite a big scare;
I feel as if this is unreal and completely unfair;
Sometimes I feel as if I'm only going down hill from here;
I try and smile and not show a single hint of fear;
I wish I could live as it were;
Dysautonomia needs awareness and a much needed cure!!!