This Life of Struggle

I'm sitting in my friend Tanyas apartment waiting on this chick I know to bring us some dope in exchange for a Home Depot gift card.

My girl Lisa is back at the apartment we've been squatting in waiting on me to come back from panhandling. She doesn't know that I spent what I made already on dope I've already done.

That's why I'm with Tanya, waiting on the connect, Tanya will break me off a chunk so I can give it to Lisa, that way she doesn't find out I did the dope earlier without her.

Problem is I've got to wait for the connect, and who knows how long that could take. But it's either this or fight with Lisa, and lately it seems like all we do is fight.

We haven't fucked in close to a week, I'm hoping if she does a good shot maybe she'll give me some tonight, but really who knows...

I love the girl, we've been friends for years, and have had an on again off again affair since early this summer, but I'm closer to dropping her. She ain't putting out, she don't help hustle, and lately all she does is complain.

I just suck at being alone, I've always been the guy bouncing from failed relationship to failed relationship. Honestly thought being alone is probably what I need so I can figure out some of the shit in my life.

Im looking at a year probation our six months in county jail on a battery charge, I've got court next month and I've got no address, no job, and I'm strong out and twenty pounds lighter than I was at my last hearing.

It's not at all unlikely that the judge will take probation off the table and just make me sit my time because of how fucked off I am. Honestly it's probably what I need.