Burden

I wake up scratching my head again thinking
Why is life fucked up and everything so confusing
Why are there feelings
Why are there laws and where am I going
Do I have a purpose
And what is it
Am I living my life
Or am I just settling for shit  
And its hard to breathe thinking of all these memories
That lay deep inside
Scarred and infected
Bleeding internally
Depression is bitch
With a dick always surprising me
It's not what I need
Not how I think
I try struggling to stay happy
But all the days eat at me
There's just too much negative
And not enough happy in me
If I could choose another life I would have easily
but I never had a choice what life picked for me
So I deal everyday pushing past the misery
Trying to find that flame that burnt out in me
And that search has taken me to many places
Exploring and searching so many adventures
Picking up the parts of me
Mostly in people I see
It's like they got what I need so I drain their life force and take what I need
Moving on when satisfied fully
It's been done to me
You'll do it to me
But I'll keep you out
 with walls higher than the eye can see
I self destruct and push people away
I feel it will end so why not end it my way
Anxiety insecurities depression
I'm a burden
Not worth keeping
I'm better off alone soul seeking
One nightstands with no feelings
Day drinking
Guitar playing cigarette smoking
Lone wolf that's self loathing
Just hoping that he was happy again
It's a lot to take in the morning
But I never stop thinking
Or Stop worrying
I feel like I'm cursed or something
But I gotta keep moving
Life's a bitch but I'm gonna die trying
Till my last breath and I'm tearing at its eyelids
I'm going down fighting
I plan on surviving
Taking each day at a time
 calmy
Well
Mostly