December 19, 1996

20 times around the sun has not given me enough experience at all to deal with my life right now, they told me to trust, but when the weatherman said it was going to be a good day for fishing. All my skies still looked gray. Someone once said that love is the best thing, but i forgot how many times my heart has been thrown against the wall. They told me to pick a college to pay for my knowledge. To figure out what i want to be… at age 18. Don’t be afraid of the unknown, let go everything familiar. But now I’m across the world, struggling on my own. People say i am not me, that i am not who i used to be. But god dammit I don’t even know who I am. Life is confusing. Are we supposed to live until we die with pain in between? With sparks of light like fireflies at night. I am a part of this world that was made with no boundaries but I need a piece of paper telling me where I can go. Born into a family I did not choose but love unconditionally. Strings inside me connected to people all around the world. People I would die protecting & not think about it for a second. How can an organ inside my body feel so damn much? I know a part of my heart will rot when my parents die. I hate & I love. But I am naive above it all. Life gives me butterflies but reality breaks my heart.