deepundergroundpoetry.com
Cocoon
We were two caterpillars-
Of a kind in different colors-
We would entangle in ourselves-
Both loving one another-
And then the time came-
We spun ourselves side-by-side-
Waiting next to one another-
Until our time to fly-
We both emerged-
And one another we sought-
Gazing at this butterfly-
That flew away from this moth-
I come out in the dark-
Covered by the night-
Still thinking of you-
Fixated on the light-
So mesmerizing-
That i am blinded-
Sealed up and binded-
My eyes, I'll hide them-
A girl of that caliber-
Can have anything she wants-
A gun of that caliber-
Would kill anything it hunts
Of a kind in different colors-
We would entangle in ourselves-
Both loving one another-
And then the time came-
We spun ourselves side-by-side-
Waiting next to one another-
Until our time to fly-
We both emerged-
And one another we sought-
Gazing at this butterfly-
That flew away from this moth-
I come out in the dark-
Covered by the night-
Still thinking of you-
Fixated on the light-
So mesmerizing-
That i am blinded-
Sealed up and binded-
My eyes, I'll hide them-
A girl of that caliber-
Can have anything she wants-
A gun of that caliber-
Would kill anything it hunts
Published 5th Sep 2017
| Edited 5th Oct 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
5th Sep 2017 5:06am
damn it the entire poem has great flow & meaning
but those closing lines were nails to my heart..
love Crim
but those closing lines were nails to my heart..
love Crim
Honest Critique:
Cacoon should be Cocoon.
The metaphors used here are supreme, it flows well with few exceptions and the progression leaves nothing to be desired.
And, like Crim, the last stanza puts the nail in the coffin. However, you may wish to consider changing "hurt" to "hunts". I feel it rhymes better and subtracts nothing from the meaning.
I find it a good poem and if polished, a great poem.
A worthy write overall.
For what it's worth. But, I'm aware of opinions and possibilities :-)
Cacoon should be Cocoon.
The metaphors used here are supreme, it flows well with few exceptions and the progression leaves nothing to be desired.
And, like Crim, the last stanza puts the nail in the coffin. However, you may wish to consider changing "hurt" to "hunts". I feel it rhymes better and subtracts nothing from the meaning.
I find it a good poem and if polished, a great poem.
A worthy write overall.
For what it's worth. But, I'm aware of opinions and possibilities :-)
5th Oct 2017 6:18pm
Thank you. I'll change the title to the appropriate spelling. Appreciate it. And the last line was supposed to be hunts, but my autocorrect changes words to other words even when I spell them correctly. Lol. Cocoon was just me misspelling. So I also thank you for pointing that out.
