Fusion Therapy

        I thought of my therapist today, who is coincidently named Dr. Bob like the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous; a place I’ve spent plenty of time over the years. Traditional therapy has become a double edged sword for me. On one hand, I receive suggestions for my life from a professional with a PhD and forty years of experience. On the other hand, many years of therapy have left me more confused than ever and caused me to make decisions based on emotion rather than logic. Furthermore, it sucks my writing out of me and often leaves me staring at a blank page.
        When I write fiction, it’s usually based on a little bit of fact that I fuse into more fiction as the story unfolds. It’s always character driven rather than plot driven and those characters are never based on one individual. They’re often a fusion as well; sometimes they’re people I know or knew and sometimes they’re not. I usually combine anywhere from two to six personalities, occupations, and physical appearances into one character. It’s tricky but fun. Then come the names which I often have to change a few times as the story unfolds, in order for the name to fit the character. Character names become more of a science than an art form. I digress.
      The point I’m trying to make is that this is my therapy. Sitting down at the laptop almost every morning and writing something, anything. Today its non-fiction prose, yesterday was the bones of a short story (Tarantino influenced by a non-linear storyline) that needs to be fleshed out, the day before that was a 1,200 word angry poem that will never see the light of day because it’s my own therapy, and a few days before that was a quadruple ode of gratitude which I almost kept to myself as well. I don’t write for any of you but if you like reading what I occasionally share, then I’m glad that you enjoy it. Sometimes it’s not just therapeutic though and I’m looking for ways to improve my skill set (this is not one of those times.) I know that poetry is rarely something I’m skillful at, just like non-fiction such as this. Fiction is where it’s at for me but there are only a select handful of people who understand the stories I attempt to tell in my rough drafts so they inspire my muses while doubling as editors, so to speak. I try to do the same for the few of them who also write.
      Now that I think of it, I’m going to throw a poem in here for further explanation because why not combine some non-fiction with an old poem of mine and then be done writing for the day?

"Why I Write"

At times it comes out masterfully like
Bukowski or Fante
but more often than not
it’s as pathetically piss poor as the work of
Patterson or E.L. James
reeking of a writer’s most gut wrenching enemy;
Main-stream-ism

I don’t do it for you
and I couldn’t give a rat’s ass what you think
any more than you give a shit what runs through my demented dome
I don’t write for money or fame or notoriety
however, I’ll gladly accept it if it comes my way
If you want to publish me, then publish me
but if you expect me to edit to suit your readers
you can tongue fuck my rectum
and while you’re down there
be sure to anally intrude me like an angel
with a serpent’s tongue
until She leaves my mind

‘cause everything brings Her to mind:

my lighter
the reaper
my bookshelf
the ringtone
even the plaque in the god damned park
reminds me of Her;
and the list goes on…

I write to remember Her
and I write to forget
I write to sort through the clutter in my skull
as a cheap therapy
that allows me to converse with my soul
because it’s more freeing than a cocktail
and less hassle than shooting smack
and unless I leave all of me on that page
it’s unsuccessful;
no matter how many people
read it or
love it.

Copyright © 2017 Jackson Kane