Lost prt3

This poem is dedicated to the fucking hole in my heart the fucking fisher in my soul if you look closely enough you will even see the never ending abyss in my eyes it goes on forever take a look and see, if the truth be told right here, right now don't let the whole lot of you go to someone else because you my never get it back, keep a little for safe keeping that's the word from the wise !
 
 
 
Evolution of your love for me before you turned like a wild animal  
Hello nice to meet you on yearbook, catch you on line sometime
Reply hello back nice also to meet you, np talk soon I guess
Didn't expect to hear from you again we were just on line friends
So I see you are from Australia I've heard kangaroos eat people is that true
Reply yes I am an Australian, haha no kangaroos don't eat people
 
Soon you ask for my number so you could call me from Canada
We spoke 10 12 hours a day if not by phone it was on cam on MSN
O man did we talk it was never roque or out there we just got each other
Her voice was so sexy she said she loved my accent it drove her wild
Sex did not even come up in conversation no nasty,s no shock value
 
There was this deep connection I know she felt it too I was not a fairy tail I was legit the real deal
I knew about the children way before I seen them on cam we both said that we had to know if what we had was real
She said that she felt that I was not coming and I was going to break her heart but more importantly the children would be torn apart
Many months after that I asked her to marry me to show I was committed plus I wanted to be with her why would I not she was so beautiful and I had fallen completely in love with her
 
Everyday I sent whispers from afar each day I received them back in return
I boarded a plane I was in the air for 17 hours I could not wait to finally see her to touch her
I looked for her everywhere I was getting concerned something might of happened to her
Out the corner of my eye I catch her jumping up and down like a little school girl
She seen me first and was trying to get my intention I still remember like it was yesterday
 
I got my luggage and ran to see her we embraced which seemed like forever
We got back to her place and sat up talking all night it was perfect it was beautiful I was finally home
We made love so passionately just the way I knew we would after woods she told me something
Omg you are the best I've ever had you are amazing and your all mine
 
Months later we planned the wedding we had to be baptised before we could get married
That's ok I did not mind the priest was so helpful he let us use our own weeding song " Angels brought me here" by Shannon Noll  
Omg she walked into the room on our weeding day fuck me she was amazingly beautiful
We had our day it could not of been any more perfect than it was I even had the eldest boy as 1 of 2 best men
 
4 months latter all is going well so I'm led to believe till she came home from work one day something was so very different about her
She was silent and something was clearly on her mind she finally told me that an ex had showed up and said he could not believe that she got married as she was not the marring type?
I thought no more of it but she was strange towards me
She said she wanted to go see him and sort it out I said ok pretty foolish I think on my part?
 
When she came back she said that he still loved her and he wanted to be with her
She tells me that she told him that she is happily married and I left it at that  
The next week she said that a girlfriend need her to go out and have some drinks with I said that's fine you need a break anyway
 
She did not go to her girlfriends but her ex boyfriend instead she slept with him that night
She did this 3 or 4 times before I clicked something was not right maybe I was to trusting maybe she was never going to be faithful to me?
She only seems to be happy when she was on her phone wonder why? All of a sudden she had a pass code on her phone
I tried to talk to her about it she shut me down she said that she had to find herself again and it was better for me to come home back to Australia
 
I did not want to come home but that was out of my control as she was my wife she is the only one that could sponsor me to stay there and that was not gong to happen
So I'm in a bit of a bind as you can see
My return ticket was all ready out of date I was fucked and this was so stressful
But I got my ticket reinstated by some nice person who heard my plight thank fuck I would of ended up in jail as I would of hurt that fuck
 
I came home in full on depression mode you know my wife had not just left me but left me for an ex that she had not seen since she was a young teen
But this was not even the beginning of the games and maybe if I was just a tosser and if I had the ability to not give two flying fucks then maybe the games would of ended a lot sooner, or she would of been the one hurting because I would of been the player
I tried so hard to get our marriage back on track I messaged Dr PHIL, Opra, Ellen, told them all my plight I never heard back from any of them I don't blame them I know they have millions of messages everyday it was a long shot anyway
 
So along comes mr ex boyfriend decided to send me an email with photos of the two of them having sex I tell you I was fuming my blood was boiling I messaged him on MSN and he was so cocky then out of the blue my wife messages me and says I have come to the conclusion that we are done then she said sorry I mean I am done marriage is over I'm done fighting for it and I really think we rushed into it, this was her excuse I'm like wtf you have people moving in with each other days after meeting so we rushed it after 12 moths of knowing each other! I am more than confused  
 
So yes this is a short version of what happened, yes she fucked me over yes she lied to the children and cps, now I'm left with this hole in my fucking heart what a damn fucking mess
I feel like I'm stuck in two places even after all this time I still fucking miss you
Wow truly what a dickhead I must be to let the wool be pulled over my eyes it's not like I'm 15 and don't know any better but you know what you had and you wanted slops you wanted 2nds
 
I know I was the best you've ever had in all forms that's no tickets on my self that's just the truth I had your back and I took all of the slack, I cooked cleaned most of the time because you worked and I didn't, you seen me coming and that's alright I know I did nothing wrong and I can live with that, what eats at me is the way you went about destroying me.