deepundergroundpoetry.com
Untitled
I wear my bloody heart
on the sleeve of my best button down shirt.
you know.
of course you do.
the only proof that I'm [breathing]
I give it to you freely this time.
watching you slog it,
quivering.
you drown in the sticky delight of my life force
blood dripping
drinking me in
a familiar taste of poison .
hot eyes sting bright
stalking
the smell of delicious burning as you penetrate me to the bone
wouldn't it be kinder to just snuff me out like a stinking candle?
smokey
putrid rose
I always hated the smell of flowers
on the sleeve of my best button down shirt.
you know.
of course you do.
the only proof that I'm [breathing]
I give it to you freely this time.
watching you slog it,
quivering.
you drown in the sticky delight of my life force
blood dripping
drinking me in
a familiar taste of poison .
hot eyes sting bright
stalking
the smell of delicious burning as you penetrate me to the bone
wouldn't it be kinder to just snuff me out like a stinking candle?
smokey
putrid rose
I always hated the smell of flowers
Published 20th Aug 2017
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likes 11
reading list entries 2
comments 11
reads 870
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Very well done. I enjoyed the metephor and agree a quick death is much more compassionate that the lingering flame slowly burning the wick to nothing.
I particularly enjoyed your unique style in regards to caps ( or lack of them ) throughout the various thought processes. As though the were points under an outline - continuations and yet by their own merit.
Welcome to the Deep Side. I look forward to reading more.
I particularly enjoyed your unique style in regards to caps ( or lack of them ) throughout the various thought processes. As though the were points under an outline - continuations and yet by their own merit.
Welcome to the Deep Side. I look forward to reading more.
20th Aug 2017 3:51am
Strong peice. You felt the pain and desire for it all to end. I know this all too well. Look forward to reading more.
Anonymous
20th Aug 2017 6:22am
I like the juxtaposition between the offering it freely and yet wanting it snuffed out quickly rather than enduring the pain...sometimes that's the only way we feel alive....knowing that we can indeed "feel"....
xoxo Taryn
xoxo Taryn
20th Aug 2017 11:39am
Drinking Me In
A Familiar Taste of Poison
Very well done. And The Taste is bitter
A Familiar Taste of Poison
Very well done. And The Taste is bitter
Anonymous
- Edited 14th Oct 2018 4:47am
20th Aug 2017 4:42pm
<< post removed >>
20th Aug 2017 10:26pm
You speak fire, erupting on my screen... I love a tough read, this satisfies my craving for sure...
- Fairy
- Fairy
23rd Aug 2017 5:25am
This is honestly one of the best compliments I have ever received about anything. Thank you so much!!!
22nd Aug 2017 6:13pm
Nice structure and metaphors. Love the reference to snuffing me out like a candle.
Welcome to the Deep Under.....
Welcome to the Deep Under.....
23rd Aug 2017 5:16am
Thank you all SO much for the lovely feedback. This is the first poem I have wrote so it has been a nice confidence boost. I appreciate you all.
24th Aug 2017 2:55am
Anonymous
- Edited 14th Oct 2018 4:47am
2nd Sep 2017 8:34pm
<< post removed >>
