How to drown without water.

There's a statistic that says alcohol is the number one rape drug.  
It goes on to say 90% of acquaintance rapes involve alcohol.
The most accepted toxin in society.
The article says it with such ease.  
Trying to prevent rape by teaching the statistics in schools.  
Stats roll off tongues of teachers as kids let it whistle right through their ears.
I wish i didn't let it slip.
Bottle after bottle waterfalls of slurred words.
Falling into darkness and falling off the curb.
But not everyone who picks you off the cement, has the intention of saving.
He didn't wear a cape, no less a condom.
They always say you never understand until its you.
When your the one in five girls.
When the teachers words sound like nails on a chalk board.
When you cringe and clamp your eyelids down.  
When the weight is like stones dragging you deeper.
When you try to make your mind so frantic just to forget.
 Forget the fact that you were drowning and no one saved you.
No wasn't clear enough.
Choking down the very water killing you.
A crime walked up on and eyes still couldn't grasp.
My best friend didn't get the tsunami of pain.  
I was rolling under rip tides, buried emotions under layers of disheveled sand.
When you feel nothing but see blurry finger tips tracing the piles of bones you've suddenly become.
When you try to block out real world nightmares.
The living horrors.
You become a skeleton in someone else's closet.
When you feel the dirt tangled in baby hairs.  
When your body shuts down to protect you.  
When no becomes a meaningless word.
When you come to it.
When the horrors become the unfaceable.
When you run your fingers and feel nothing but sharp edges and cold lifeless skin.
When you become the self punching bag swinging off the chain.
Always off the hinges, but you continue to serve blow and after blow.
Black cherry scented black out ,and fireball burning my throat.
Nothing as bad as the lack of memory.
Fault falls at the feet of many ,no one owning up to write the obituary.
I called crying and it seemed as if my words were jumbled and misconstrued.
"Do you know what rape is?"
"Lots of girls of girls say no!"
"You didn't just change your mind?"
 My skin crawled and i choked into oceans of regret and screamed for a helping hand.
But now i was drowning in the after effect of depression.
I latched on poetry- anti alcoholism and anti rape.
Wishing recovery like tree growth.
Light wash jean shorts and my tie dye band tee.
I killed the prom queen didnt scream "rape me!"
Self medication, with the very Poison that committed murder.
Drowning my demons, just as they drown me.
Plan b and pregnancy tests.
An open field that feels like a war ground.
Trees that choked the innocence out of me.
When everyone knows your rapist, when the murder scene gets wiped away.
When the murder drags your casualty- switching friendship for fear.
When he brags-
It will float off his tongue and sting your soul.
You will bleed again but this time not only out of shattering bones but your soul will bleed.
The girl you were will drown in rapids of everything you once loved.
Exchanging passion for pain.
Love for a sort of larceny.
You will push the blame into your bloodstream.
Live off hatred and a volatile emotional roller coaster.
Abuse will become a normality.
Rape will never run off your tongue into a punch line...
And when it slips off someone elses you will slip into bad habits.
Because those jokes will punch your breaking heart.
You will shatter like a window hit with a bolder...
So obvious yet still unacknowledged.
Rape.
Four letters that seem to open flood gates.
Water will cascade in, consuming the only open space so fast you won't even have time to gasp for air.
You will drown.
Sanity dwindling to it's last drops...
One word drowning every one in five girls.
When will someone put up a no swimming sign?
When did currents get so strong they strangled the loudest voices?
When did one word have the weight to crush a society?