When does it end!

The pills on the counter seem more like temptation instead of the blade that was old me. I now need a change.Sometimes i reach this breaking point and i have nowhere else to resort but my own sick demented  thoughts of harming myself. Is it something i wanna do? No but  what other choice what friend do i have to turn to that i have trust in to tell them anything i have none and it kills me. Its like i'm waiting.. I keep waiting and i'm tired i just wanna close my eyes and sleep days,weeks,months. I want to fall in this deep coma and wake up on my own will, Like when i feel its right.But will it be too late,will i fade away in time all of me will deteriorate. I've always had a dream of growing wings and being this angelic angel in another life.I watch the birds soar in the sky on a  nice fall afternoon. And i just close my eyes and wonder about how easy it would be.So carefree its what I've always wanted.But im here with no wings,i cant sing i cant fly. I cant travel as i please i can just sit back and watch the hands on the clock turn and pages on  the calendar flip month to month.Eventually the year is over and another phase of the government being corrupt. This world is coming to an end im just waiting for it to stop.For the hands on the clock to stop ticking and for not all but some become angels and fly away