Without Warning

This is a really tragic story. To lose someone in this way, watching their life slip away is just awful. We are helpless against Mother nature's force, which can be so destructive when she is angry.

Yes, we are, to all aspects of nature. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Some hurricanes wreck invisible damage, without warning of course. Takes a while for the recovery and rehabilitaion, but 'rehabitation' is never the same.  

Well compiled expression. The dedication of an entire line to 'hard-won' encapsulated an entire story of its own.  

Love is warm in company, yet cold, in absence.

I appreciate your comment and attention to detail, for what you read in "hard-won". Nothing is the same after being damaged, but the quality of repairs makes such a difference in the way they hold up to time.

lost in the storm;
this takes us thru the adventure of the tempest
& the sadness after...

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. When someone is lost, it's left to us to find our way.

What I really enjoyed about this was the literal and figurative metaphor. The storm could mean so many things. The storm of death, the storm of a breakup, the storm of a disaster. Each person who reads this should be able to relate personally from some point in their life.  

The title sets the stage and mood for the recipients being unprepared; life hits hard sometimes without warning.  

I'm thinking in the first stanza you could lose 'the' in L2 since you use it in L3:

for lack of shelter

Do you really need 'All' and 'before' in L1 of the second stanza? I know there's some consonance with ill-; however, 'built' picks that up nicely without 'All'. I realize there may be a sense of inclusiveness you may be wanting to convey by the use of either word, but 'before' implies 'All'? Or 'All' implies before since 'built' is past tense. I honestly feel you could lose one of them without losing the intended meaning.  

The imagery of the strike in the remainder is good. It also brought to mind Humpty Dumpty falling, and nothing could put him together again. That is not a comical remark or reference to a mere nursery rhyme, as I feel that story is a metaphor for experience.  


Stanza 3 was perfect for me. And the emphasis created by the space on

You were gone  

is stellar.  

I feel L1 of the 5th stanza would read better if the comma were removed and it was worded as such:

Calm slowly returned  

I think you could lose 'and' in L3 and use a comma after 'still' in L4 for emphasis on a pause.  

Overall I thoroughly enjoyed this offering. It's a great entry to the comp and I wish you the best of luck!  
 

Thank you so much for your feedback and suggestions. I've found your critiques to be so helpful in my editing.    

After looking at the "all the structures I'd built before" line through your lens, I cleaned it up by deleting "all the" and it's much crisper now.    

I agreed with most of your suggestions, but I'm still mulling over the placement of "slowly" in the beginning of the last stanza.    

I appreciate the luck; I'm going to need it. :-)

Then they were very nice thoughts, so thank you for stopping by to share them. :-)

i am not a critiquer or at least a great one but mostly
just leave it to the business of others

AND here is where my emotions are no longer neat
nor are they controlled, i have to be allowed set them  
free

NOW, this.. .this piece sent me pendulating in every
ef**ing direction, i lost all thought and track of time while
trying to get through it..

whew!  

haaaa,


had to take a breather because oh my god  .. how painful
i see myself

still enjoyed, oour words ripped against my pulse rip..
for i know im alive.., at times i think not

but today, it was you who let me know

-Sunsets

After that assessment of my words, I find myself at a bit of a loss for them. What higher compliment could there be than to remind someone they're alive, even if it's because it hurts? Thank you for reading and for sharing your unrestrained emotion with me.