deepundergroundpoetry.com
Pinnacle of an apple
As I long for my mind to be freed I agonized every last second and savor the bitter taste of waiting. I comprehend the language of wisdom for solitude is my instructor, because it is not the core of the Apple that you bite first it's is the skin and the flesh that we live and when countering the core it means you've achieved great obstacles that bring to you a smile on your face. Hope and faith in the long run will free your mind and it will filter all types of negativity to be projected out to the world.
My mind is a prisoner to solitude and my heart to hope and faith.
Published 12th Jun 2017
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13th Jun 2017 5:48am
This could be made a little clearer for your readers with some additional punctuation, since you aren't using line breaks to help guide the reading.
In your first sentence, "agonized" is past tense, while everything else is present.
you bite first it's is the skin — this should be "it's" or "it is"
and when countering the core — It reads like you mean "encountering" here, though I'd suggest "reaching" as an alternative choice, it's cleaner, and it sounds good with "achieved".
that bring to you a smile on your face — I think a simpler way of saying this would serve your poem well.
Hope and faith in the long run will free your mind and it will filter all types of negativity to be projected out to the world. — The way this is written, it sounds as if the negativity is what will be projected, which doesn't seem to be your intent. "It" should be "they" since it refers to both hope and faith.
In your first sentence, "agonized" is past tense, while everything else is present.
you bite first it's is the skin — this should be "it's" or "it is"
and when countering the core — It reads like you mean "encountering" here, though I'd suggest "reaching" as an alternative choice, it's cleaner, and it sounds good with "achieved".
that bring to you a smile on your face — I think a simpler way of saying this would serve your poem well.
Hope and faith in the long run will free your mind and it will filter all types of negativity to be projected out to the world. — The way this is written, it sounds as if the negativity is what will be projected, which doesn't seem to be your intent. "It" should be "they" since it refers to both hope and faith.
19th Jun 2017 5:41pm
