deepundergroundpoetry.com
RENOVATION
Negligent landlord
dilapidated abode
to decay abandoned
Four spacious rooms
once filled with light
windows now boarded
Flthy squatters inhabit
where youthful exuberance,
abundance of hope
once crowded every space
Lest malevolent tenants be evicted
no vital repairs can be made
hatred, prejudice, resentment be gone
let more worthy inhabitants come
Welcome love, compassion enter
understanding, acceptance you’re home
your lease granted to never expire
may your light ever radiate within
dilapidated abode
to decay abandoned
Four spacious rooms
once filled with light
windows now boarded
Flthy squatters inhabit
where youthful exuberance,
abundance of hope
once crowded every space
Lest malevolent tenants be evicted
no vital repairs can be made
hatred, prejudice, resentment be gone
let more worthy inhabitants come
Welcome love, compassion enter
understanding, acceptance you’re home
your lease granted to never expire
may your light ever radiate within
Published 26th Apr 2017
| Edited 10th May 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 7
reads 703
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
26th Apr 2017 9:18pm
Oh how i needed this! but did' not know it to be so..
Thank you for feeding me Gahddess
Thank you for feeding me Gahddess
27th Apr 2017 5:53am
I am elated to know that my words were of some help to you. Thank you so much for reading and commenting on this piece. I felt this one deeply.
27th Apr 2017 1:56pm
27th Apr 2017 3:41pm
10th May 2017 7:41am
The heart as a structure that may crumble, but can be rebuilt, is how I read this. It's a nice use of metaphor.
There are some suggestions I'd like to offer for your consideration. I think you can strike "are" from your sixth line. You've indicated in that sixth line that "now" things are decaying, so I think that "now" beginning the seventh line is redundant and could be removed. The use of "once" in the last line of the stanza reaffirms that the condition has changed, also making the "now" at the beginning not strictly necessary.
In your eleventh line, "Less malevolent tenants be evicted", it reads as if the word you're looking for is "lest" or "unless". As written, the less malevolent tenants are to be evicted, leaving the more malevolent tenants remaining.
There are some suggestions I'd like to offer for your consideration. I think you can strike "are" from your sixth line. You've indicated in that sixth line that "now" things are decaying, so I think that "now" beginning the seventh line is redundant and could be removed. The use of "once" in the last line of the stanza reaffirms that the condition has changed, also making the "now" at the beginning not strictly necessary.
In your eleventh line, "Less malevolent tenants be evicted", it reads as if the word you're looking for is "lest" or "unless". As written, the less malevolent tenants are to be evicted, leaving the more malevolent tenants remaining.
10th May 2017 3:11pm
Thank you PS! Your interpretation is spot-on. I made all of the modifications you suggested and its flow is improved. I thought, with each prior read that the 11th line conveyed a confused message...the 'lest' is brilliant. I appreciate very much your assistance. Cheers!
10th May 2017 10:43pm
