deepundergroundpoetry.com
Who Will Be Gone
You fled by the time I was four
How could I have known
The affect it would assure
Now that I am grown
Not alone in your leaving
Quite a tidy sum more
Who came and left me grieving
Like a tide upon the shore
My heart exposed, on a sleeve
I always allow them to enter
Advantage lost and seeming naïve
Yet craving new adventure
With my raw and vulnerable soul
Naked, bare and unprotected
I offer up complete control
Until abandoned as expected
Existing in this fear is fraught
Anticipating they will flee
Substantiated claim or not
I bid my farewell to thee
Endeavour again to seek connection
And will love with my whole heart
Yet subject to my own reflection
And the fear you may depart
How could I have known
The affect it would assure
Now that I am grown
Not alone in your leaving
Quite a tidy sum more
Who came and left me grieving
Like a tide upon the shore
My heart exposed, on a sleeve
I always allow them to enter
Advantage lost and seeming naïve
Yet craving new adventure
With my raw and vulnerable soul
Naked, bare and unprotected
I offer up complete control
Until abandoned as expected
Existing in this fear is fraught
Anticipating they will flee
Substantiated claim or not
I bid my farewell to thee
Endeavour again to seek connection
And will love with my whole heart
Yet subject to my own reflection
And the fear you may depart
Published 14th Mar 2017
| Edited 19th Mar 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 5
reads 745
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
14th Mar 2017 5:36pm
14th Mar 2017 6:48pm
A couple of 'technical' suggestions -
1st stanza, 2nd line - 'know' or 'known'?
3rd stanza, 4th Line - better without the 'the'?
1st stanza, 2nd line - 'know' or 'known'?
3rd stanza, 4th Line - better without the 'the'?
14th Mar 2017 9:47pm
Thank you...Good catch on known and without "the" is better. I appreciate the feedback:)
20th Mar 2017 3:40am
Welcome to DU Mel!! Heart gripping ink.......what emotions you've caused me to feel reading this.....I felt abandoned myself.....well done.......purple luv & hugs xo :)
20th Mar 2017 3:50am
Abandonment is a cross to bear. Thank you lovely for the welcome and for your kind words.
