DIET PILLS

i worked harder on losing weight
and focused more on erasing you out of my system
i stopped flushing my pills and instead flushed the memory of you
i even quit on my habitual happiness
because it felt incomplete without you
i decided to love my diet pills
because if i could diet them
then i could most indefinably diet you
i drank enough coke zeroes to be certain of the number of times i wouldn't think of you
i felt like a hero, whose new lover was heroine,
and you, you were just the temporary feeling
i cut myself more
because that is the only way to diet you out of my skin
i started to learn that by suffocating myself with weight loss thoughts
 these diet pills may end up being my saving grace
 i looked in the mirror and no longer felt like a mess
 because i could openly confess
and frankly address
the fact that diet pills
numbed my feels
 and helped me heal
from the unreal high
that was you.