THESE CHANGES  (11-13-90, San Diego, California)

i go through
these changes
these changes
are happening
to me
both inner
and outer
i am changing
so dramatically
but where am i
in all these
relentless changes
where are they
taking me
where does that
leave me
where am I
even truly at now
if i can no longer
be fully human  
then what will i
soon enough
eventually become
what will i learn
through and from
all these continuous
ongoing transformations
what more can i feel
through all these
sores  scabs and scars
through this paper thin  
leathery skin
that seems to be
mine no more
what more can i see
through these tired
failing eyes
what trickery  
of confusion  
or grand self delusion
are my senses
playing on me
along with my
increasingly  
derailed mind
amid all this  
new wreckage
of my physical  
undoing and unknown  
physiological rot
is it possible to find
some greater sense  
of deeper meaning
of priceless  
inner wisdom
from out of
all of this fearful
desperate livings  
complex misalignment
in my fallen life
or some higher
conscious awareness
and fearless alertness
in my seeing
and embracing
the true nature  
of my still unfolding
necessary journey here
through the open hearted  
more awakened  
third eye  
fuller realization
of my own
transcendent beings
even greater
highest purpose here
through all the  
insufferable lessons
through all the
suffering  sores
scabs and scars
through whatever
unimaginably  
continued  
grievous inner
and outer wars  
may still yet come
i know i will endure
even on  
beyond it all
in whatever new form
i may take on
or transformationally
become
through the undying
eternal light
i know i
already  
am