Substantive Supplements

I never wanted to act  
I just wanted out  
Of this state of mind  
To become unbind  
From things that tried to define  
Who knew I'd find  
Things that could subconsciously refine  
A feeling of this kind  
Their invitation I did not decline  
Acceptance helped me unwind  
And now... I am here  
I am craving  
And I wonder  
What's next?  
 
I've always known I crave substance  
But never thought of how everyone else does too  
We just seek it in different forms  
I used to think my methods would always satisfy me  
But I was wrong  
They don't, they're not enough anymore  
And lately that scares me when I look in the mirror  
Because I'm turning into someone I never thought I'd be  
And it's not even a bad new part of me  
It's just a difference that I don't know much about  
So I'm struggling to handle myself  
As I think of all the things I'm without  
What if this is just a supplement for the nutrients I lack?  
Should I take it without worry?  
I don't want to overindulge and lose myself in the unknown  
I want to remain someone I know  
But it feels like I'm getting to know someone else  
It's still me but with a different touch of self  
And I miss vitamins from preferred sources  
 
I've learned that I can't live without ingredients to feed my soul  
But I'm realizing that they can be found in different ways  
I see the risks  
And the health factor is debatable  
But perhaps I say that because it's unfamiliar territory  
After all, the feeling helps me thrive  
It makes it easier to be alive  
When I can find some of what is essential  
To giving me life  
And I should cherish that for what it is  
Not fear what it could become  
Immerse myself in gratitude  
Taste moments  
Let them glue themselves to my lips  
And attach themselves to my fingertips  
So I can learn to touch myself with tenderness  
And to touch others the same way  
To help my skin shine with radiant glow  
It's still natural  
As long as I remember the goal  
To give love to those who need it  
Me included  
Then I think I'll be okay  
While I fight for the day  
When maybe things can be all right  
 
I look around me  
And almost everyone I know has a substance of choice  
I guess I have one too now  
Just the format for attaining is different  
I'm thinking we all need substance to get by  
Whether this is change or evolution  
I like to hope it can lead me to solution  
Where I can find a way out with authenticity intact  
And set an example of how there's no need to act  
I'll teach myself to receive the benefits one step at a time  
Perhaps supplements can lead to healing  
I'll only know if I embrace the feeling  
I feel weak for caving  
But I hope I find strength in admitting  
That although the idea is a little bit frightening  
To get through I seem to need more than writing