The lost miracle

No way am I gonna get through this one.
I cut it too close this time.
I'm out.
My time's up.
I've been shot, right in the chest,
and it feels like its been ages since I've been alive.
The crowds gather, people are in shock,
whispers all around, tears share it's sound.
Tears? No way... More like smugs...
They all want me dead.
All the trouble I've caused, I knew this was inevitable.
The assassination of me.
Congratulations ME,
You got your ticket out of here.

But wait, Why am I feeling better?
I'm not high or drunk, so why?
The lights go down, black is all I see,
the cheers have faded, silence befalls me.
The spotlight is a drug, hypnotizing and energizing.
But when the calm settles.
I awaken.
I found my chance, my ball of clay,
time to mold it into whatever I may.

Wake up sleepy head, you're dreaming again.
This life's a drag, I'd be better off in hell.
So much pain, so much sacrifice,
empty hands filled with dust in the end.
Where is my happy ending?
Oh wait! There ain't no such thing.
Its all, suffer and die you pathetic little being.
I wish one day I go to sleep,
and wake up to find that I've earned my keep.
I'm not worthy, not of the worst, never the best.
Dreams of a foolish beggar, now laid to rest.