The Beach

nice colours

poetry that allows us
to feel the surreal...

A beautiful little gem of imagery. This is how everyone should view a sunset, or analogy. :)

One suggestion:

coloured fans twirl brightly until ripped out at the roots
at the end of the glow.

I would subsitute 'by' for "at" the roots so there's no repitition of wording. Also, it adds some alliteration with the b sound in brightly.

Again, a little gem.

Thanks Ahavati for your encouragement and wise critique - I had actually thought to make that change when typing the poem in but decided just to stick to how I'd originally written it . . . however I will now make the adjustment :-)

The use of color and imagery in this is delightful. I particularly liked your third stanza, which put a big grin on my face. Some really nice usage of alliteration, too.

"glass is crushed and ground to salt" — you could omit "is" from this line to make it a little crisper

This added some happy sun to my day. :-)

Thank you so much!  Really glad you enjoyed it - i was playing around with a different style to that which I usually write. Alliteration is my favourite! Cheers for the suggestion too!  :-)