The Words

The lights hurt my eyes as I stepped backstage,
A bit dazed with a heart stubbornly thumping.
No dim lights and spotlight,
Just steady brightness.
 
I
Faced the mirror to wipe away
The colors from my eyes -
The shadows, a sparkly night smudged on paper.
The bloody color swiped,
Leaving these lips
Just bitten.
 
And I'm almost back to looking like the
Innocent kitten
That  
Most men asked me for.
And I wondered what you asked for -
From her.
 
I put on a nice dress -
The color of parchment,  
With colors of paint  
Reminiscent of a Schiele woman -
Feet in ballet flats,
From the stage,
What is left...
What is left is my hair disheveled.
 
What is left is my body weary,
What is left is my heart shook.
 
And it was drizzling outside when I looked for you.
You stood
At our lamppost, holding a blue rose,
Your fingers
Flipping a card dangling from the stem by a
Black string
To show me -
Written there was
Ma chérie.
 
You smiled at me
(Familiar),
Before you laid the flower on the ground
Where we stood at night for too many times.
But before I could
Take a breath or move,
She swooped in and picked up the blue rose.
 
She opened the card,
Smiled,
Gave you a kiss.
 
Pulled you away into the crowd
That just passed me by,
But stare at the both of you.
 
I would never see the words,
I realize.
They were hers now, not mine.
And you,
You only gave me a backward glance.
I gave you a smile.
 
I made my way home -
Fingertips reveling in the cold drizzle -
And bought myself a dozen red roses,
And wrote my own verses,
And sang love songs to myself.
 
I danced.
 
 
 
Photo of Lili Niagara
 
Doing It To Death by The Kills: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=498zUzNGQxY