What is it?

What is it?
What is the emotion when you have no emotion?
When you wake up every morning feeling unsatisfied
Mom says it’s all a part of growing up
Well if not having emotion is being an adult then I don’t want to grow up
2 years ago I was smiling and laughing because I didn’t care
Maybe it’s because I became too self-aware
Sometimes I feel so dead I don’t even want to fix my hair
I wake up feed my pets then go to school
Spend 8 hours learning things I’ll never use in my life
Then come home to clean dirty kitchen knives
Then ill knock out before I can blink twice
I’ll take a 5 hour nap and still wake up tired
Then feed my younger siblings
Then start over
What is this emotion when all I want to do is be alone listening to music in my earphones?
What does that mean?
I know it’s not depression
I would not give that selfish impression
Happiness is all I want
I have a roof over my head and my family loves me
It’s almost like my brain and heart had a divorce
Then my heart had sex with happiness by force
What is the feeling when all you want to do is lay in your room to avoid the question “How was your day?”
That way you don’t have to lie to your mom and grandma and say it was amazing.
You could be a starving kid in Africa
Or dying of cancer
Why are you complaining?
You don’t tell your mom about the way you feel
Moms going to say it’s no big deal
She’s paying your bills
The least you can say is I love you on the way to school
Felix shut up your just a stupid emo
Your music taste trash and you can’t sing
What is that when you’re saying it every morning?
It’s not depression
You’ve promised yourself you wouldn’t allow that to happen
You’ll try to avoid your friends
But every day you’ll hear a “Hey what sup.”
Why would you try to avoid them?
They obviously care about you
Jesus you’re so selfish
You see I feel so hypocritical
Because my way of thinking is so cynical
Felix you got to be a the most trash rapper
Even dudes who steal fashion and do fake suicides are better than you
Damn now I’m missing sitting acres homes watching someone get robbed for their shoes
You haven’t slit your wrist since 7th grade
Why is that people still claim you do
Your mind is so crowded now you can’t stay on topic
The topic of the feeling you want to find
The one that’s making you feel nothing and makes you want to cry
Look at you
Little emo writing depressing poetry
Now you’re s-stuttering over a simple line in a hook
The ones who support you make you feel the worse
Maybe its karma
Since I hurt the person that loves me so much
As teenagers we all start looking for a purpose
But when you wake up feeling worthless
It seems hopeless
You’re writing music and recording poetry
Repeating to yourself that happiness is a choice
But as you go through the day you lose your voice
What this feeling already?
When all you want to do is sleep and not answer your best friend’s text
That’s all I want to know, this emotion
Is there a cure
A potion?
Damn it Felix smile
Just do it
Paint it on your face make it last a while
Your feelings are so confusing it’s like a triple negative
Your poetry is getting repetitive
Whatever this emotion is
I don’t want it
I just want to be smiling
And happy
Damn it
What is this emotion?