What You Want Me To Be

I am nowhere near who you want me to be.
I scream so loud for you to come save me
But when I don’t hear,
I swallow my sad ness and throw my rage
Into these walls
In an attempt to destroy all the pain in my heart.
All that’s left is the overwhelming silence.
Once again I search for you to comfort me
And soon I begin to realize
That not even I am my own friend.
If I am not who you want me to be,
Then what am I?
The day you left still replays in my head.
It throws me down,
Forcing me to my knees.
I feel this pain shooting through my veins.
I cry myself to sleep,
Burying these secrets into these tears,
Streaming down my face.
And you?
You sleep so peacefully at night,
Not a worry to keep you up.
I am not who I was when we met for the first time.
You fell in love with the girl with a fake smile.
My sadness was hidden behind a mask.
I wish we never met,
You brought me so much pain.
But at the same time,
I am thankful for you.
If it wasn’t for you begin a coward and leaving me
Abused and abandoned,
I would have never gotten the strength
To fend for myself and to be able to pick myself up
And start over.
I vow never to follow you down that dark path
Leading to a world where rage is all that exists.
You will never hear me
Apologize for not being who you want me to be.
I have been thinking too much,
I must stop.
Record this in your mind,
For it will be the last time you flood my thoughts.
So farewell you old,
Old friend.