Dark paradise

My anxiety will get the better of me. Trust that. I'll see that you like other girls photos and I'll get jealous. I'll get angry with you but I won't say it. I won't say it because I don't want to ruin what I have. What we have. Because I've ruined it before. I care too much, and too fast. I fall so hard. I'll miss you when you're not with me. I'll plan things a certain way and expect that they will happen the way I've planned them. And when they don't I'll be upset and I'll be short with you. I'll be afraid to loose you. So afraid that I might hold back. Because I don't want to come on too strong I don't want to scare you off. I don't want to be the first to do anything. The first to text you. The first to say where we go to eat. The first say I love you. And some days I will push you away some days I'll not want you to be with me or around me. Some days I'll feel like we don't belong together I'll feel like I'm not good enough for you. I'll feel like you deserve better than me. You probably do. I'll be angry with you and some days I'll argue with you over stupid things. But that's because I care. I care too much. But don't let me push you away. Don't doubt my love for you. And never doubt me. Go slow with me, but don't make promises you can't keep. I take those very seriously. Just don't let me leave so easily. Just love me and show me that you care because if you don't I'll think that you're playing some mean prank on me. Or that you really don't care about me. I'll think that you don't want to be around me. And it will kill me slowly. It will destroy me from the inside out. Just as every other relationship does. I won't trust you easily either. Because I don't want this relationship to be the same as the others. I don't want it to end the same way the others did and I'm afraid I'll be easily replaced. I am easily replaceable. At least I feel that way. I'm afraid that you won't want me anymore that one day I'll wake up and you will have someone new. And this is all a dark paradise. This is just a dark paradise. Filled with anxiety and trust issues, and fear. But I'll try my best, to overcome. And to forget the things that feel so wrong.