deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Vision
[font=Lucida Sans Unicode,Lucida Grande]I have a vision,
A vision with you in it,
An invisibly visible figment.
And in my vision,
I'm wishing...
Wishing you and I were kissing.
My wishes in this vision are true,
My visions of kissing you...
And of you kissing me too.
In my vision, I'm holding you tight,
Kissing you under the moonlight...
And in this moment, I feel so alive.
And in my visions, I'm gazing into your eyes,
Your eyes, more beautiful than any sunrise.
Eyes that see the blaze in my heart rise!
In my vision, you are safe,
No more tears, no more games, no more pain,
'Cause you know these eyes, and trust this face.
A vision with you in it,
An invisibly visible figment.
And in my vision,
I'm wishing...
Wishing you and I were kissing.
My wishes in this vision are true,
My visions of kissing you...
And of you kissing me too.
In my vision, I'm holding you tight,
Kissing you under the moonlight...
And in this moment, I feel so alive.
And in my visions, I'm gazing into your eyes,
Your eyes, more beautiful than any sunrise.
Eyes that see the blaze in my heart rise!
In my vision, you are safe,
No more tears, no more games, no more pain,
'Cause you know these eyes, and trust this face.
Written by
Chaoticwayz
Published 21st Jan 2017
| Edited 23rd Jan 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 1
comments 28
reads 879
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. The Vision
Your vision is beautiful love. This is a very sweet and loving write. You are such a romantic. 💋
1
Re: Re. The Vision
21st Jan 2017 8:59pm
And in this vision, My Temptations are Lyrical Because you're the one, My one visionary miracle!
Re: Re. The Vision
21st Jan 2017 9:44pm
Re: Re. The Vision
21st Jan 2017 9:57pm
Re. The Vision
21st Jan 2017 10:45pm
There's an almost playful quality to this piece. And a wistfulness, as well. Great write! :)
Willow
Willow
1
Re: Re. The Vision
21st Jan 2017 10:47pm
Very playful. Thanks for reading Willow. It feels really good to play around with a bit more repetition.
Re. The Vision
Anonymous
22nd Jan 2017 00:23am
Simple, but still yet, quite inspiring.
I've forgotten that men still yearn for love
but more so for the other.
Excellent words.
Nothing "Chaotic" here ...
just beauty.
~xo, Devlin
1
Re: Re. The Vision
22nd Jan 2017 00:26am
Re. The Vision
Anonymous
22nd Jan 2017 7:13am
Chaotic...this ink is gorgeous...sweet...lightly flavored and what I would call perfection...she is/will be a very lucky girl...you get it...respect it and cherish it...
xoxo Taryn
xoxo Taryn
1
Re: Re. The Vision
22nd Jan 2017 1:05pm
I drank a pint of Jack Daniels and about 6 Heinekens last night. I think I damaged my brain. Ooo, this water is helping, but I need some coffee!! Yum yum! I'm ineffably delighted by your read and comment Mizzz Taryn! *Bows* hmm, woozy, shouldn't have done that. xoxoxoxoxo
Re. The Vision
22nd Jan 2017 8:11am
Such a beautiful write... the repetition of vision really works!
It's a bit different from your usual lines, but I love it :-)
It's a bit different from your usual lines, but I love it :-)
1
Re: Re. The Vision
22nd Jan 2017 1:07pm
I love it!! It makes it so fun to read. I've been practicing with the repetition. Your love and support means so much to me, D! Xoxoxox
Anonymous
- Edited 27th Dec 2019 12:45pm
22nd Jan 2017 9:06am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. The Vision
22nd Jan 2017 1:09pm
Re. The Vision
Who ever said perfection didn't exist clearly hadn't read these lines!!!
'In my vision, you are safe,
No more tears, no more games, no more pain,
'Cause you know these eyes, and trust this face.'
I think I can speak on behalf of so many females (wishing to hear these very words) when I say how bloody brilliant they are! I got a lump in my throat excuse me now while I go and sob! 👌😢
Fantastic write CW!
FC
💜
'In my vision, you are safe,
No more tears, no more games, no more pain,
'Cause you know these eyes, and trust this face.'
I think I can speak on behalf of so many females (wishing to hear these very words) when I say how bloody brilliant they are! I got a lump in my throat excuse me now while I go and sob! 👌😢
Fantastic write CW!
FC
💜
1
Re: Re. The Vision
22nd Jan 2017 1:11pm
Re. The Vision
22nd Jan 2017 7:51pm
"In my vision, I'm holding you tight,
Kissing you under the moonlight...
And in this moment, I feel so alive. "
so tenderly beautiful Chad makes me melt..
love Brenda
Kissing you under the moonlight...
And in this moment, I feel so alive. "
so tenderly beautiful Chad makes me melt..
love Brenda
1
Re: Re. The Vision
22nd Jan 2017 8:32pm
Re. The Vision
23rd Jan 2017 8:49am
This one has a very musical quality to it, whimsical, yet soft around the edges.
Nice combination...
Nice combination...
1
Re. The Vision
Anonymous
24th Jan 2017 4:26pm
This is beautiful
1
Re: Re. The Vision
24th Jan 2017 4:30pm
Re. The Vision
24th Jan 2017 4:57pm
Loved this...a side to you I have yet to read....and I'm diggin it....it's fresh to see the softer emotional side you can ever so often expose....thank you for sharing.
1
Re: Re. The Vision
24th Jan 2017 5:47pm
This is really the only way I show that side. Thanks for swingin' by LA, and I'm glad you're diggin' the softer side ;) More to come.
Let us all have it
26th Jan 2017 5:40am
To feel what you describe here...is a great gift! Amazing words and powerful feelings!
1
Re: Let us all have it
26th Jan 2017 11:17am
Re. The Vision
5th Feb 2017 6:44pm
I like the half-rhymes and repetitions in this rhyme. I felt that the second-person narrative worked against you, in the last line of the poem. But throughout your piece, combinations of rhymes and repetitions produce a tasteful soup of assonance and consonance.
1
Re: Re. The Vision
5th Feb 2017 8:43pm
Thanks man. I appreciate the critique. I wasn't crazy about the ending either. Something wasn't working quite right, there. Thanks for the second opinion.