Guise

I'm so scared
Thought that I was over it, normal again
Turns out I'm just back at square one

Found a good human a few months ago
I'm terrified
Last time I tried to be a real person with someone, they hurt me

It's so incredibly hard to trust anyone now
It's all so frightening
A war behind my eyes
I've taken some risks and they've been worth it
A few fleeting moments of excitement or joy or intrigue
But what if

Instinct says cut her off and leave
Remain cold and distant
Keep living like a machine and you'll never hurt again

I know I am safe now but sometimes I'm dragged back in time
Reliving it so frequently kills me
Still physically cannot speak about it

I'm just so confused and conflicted
I know she won't hurt me for a fact
She's there to help
I want to be a real person again but I'm fighting with myself over trusting her

I don't want to survive like this anymore
But I'm so, so scared

Would it even be worth it at this point?