my story.

i wrote my way out,  
the rise of a quotable spout,  
now melodies are found falling out of my mouth,  
yeah i still got some doubts that will never leave me,  
the seams of my being still need some healing,  
believe me..  
i repeatedly treated me as the enemy,  
hold up.. let me set the scene,  
since birth i was blessed,  
but i gotta come clean,  
it was easy to forget-  
the spoils of surburban streets-  
after i was molested as a preteen,  
reality and my dreams seemed to leave me,  
i felt powerless from one single act,  
a soul barely intact,  
a few anxiety attacks in rehab,  
that's just the unavoidable facts,  
i wanted to be normal kid,  
whatever that is,  
barely living but feeling alive,  
all these emotions began to collide,  
at the same time i began to hate people,  
cuz i hated what i saw inside my own peephole,  
it was like no one was my equal,  
no one could know this pain that i feel,  
life got real.. got me back on my heels,  
i thought i mind as well seal the deal,  
deceive and steal,  
no lie i may catch fire inside of a steeple,  
then i found drugs at 17,  
could they heal me?  
no..  
but they let me say peace to reality,  
say fuck you to reality,  
push aside my family,  
it happened gradually but escalated rapidly,  
i got trapped by baggies,  
i became a fiend trying to buy the feeling of happy,  
it seemed to be a tragedy,  
like what's the matter with me?  
driving blacked out off of bars,  
i am lucky my next ride wasn't in a hearse,  
time in jail thinking it couldn't get any worse,  
of course it did..  
i thought i may be cursed,  
a second time nodded of and jumped a curb,  
face to face with a tree,  
then the police,  
then cold concrete,  
i am not looking for empathy,  
feeling empty and defeated i entered recovery,  
not just from the drugs..  
from my corrupted mentality.  
still struggling it's not easy,  
but there is no other way-  
unless i want to go insane or meet an early grave,  
what are the take aways?  
it may be cliche but i only got today,  
i can't fade i gotta rage,  
got to face the pain  
and  
change  
 
The next chapter is being written.
i love you and if you ever need to talk shoot me a message!  no matter who you are or what your background is or what you have done in your life we are in this together... forever.

💚