Hi, I'm a Slut

Hi, I'm a Slut.
I'm not going to give you excuses. I am just going to tell you a story.

Hi, I'm a slut. It didn't start suddenly. I wasn't always this way.

It started when I was 14 maybe sometime in May.
Hormones.
Breasts, bigger, bigger, bigger
They wouldn't stop growing.
And that's why I started moaning.
I don't remember my childhood.
It's all a blur.
Just like a dog with a mountain of fur.
I can just barely see it.
Like I was drunk.
Blurred. Black, Mist.
I never remember my Father calling me "Beautiful. Precious, Important, Significant, or Special."
That's why the first time I gave my precious one and only flower away he didn't even look at me, talk to me, or know me.
I was just a place to put it.
He was just a personal conquest. To see what the other girls were talking about.
I knew first came love them came marriage but I honestly didn't care about the baby carriage.
The next dozen men I was with after would pull my hair and call me a dirty slut.
I like it.
I'm shocked.
I liked it?
Does this make me bad? Mad? I'm mostly sad.
No connection, no commitment, no emotion.
Emotions wont fill the void
Avoid it
Avoid it
Spank me, bite me, scratch me.
Just don't let me feel the pain that's always been there.
Block it out.
Out
Out
Cover. Never get too close. Just avoid it.
Then I met him.
Once was enough. I hear the words I've been longing to hear. " Beautiful, precious, important, significant, special "
Trust, emotion, fear. Rushing all at once like opening a door to a room full of water.
Wait, stop, don't.
Remember you have no emotion.
Remember. You don't like him.
Don't tell him.
Fuck! Too late. It's too late
He stops talking. You're a slut. Guys like that.
Be a slut. Don't try so hard they say, don't be needy.
I'm needy because I'm greedy.
I only think of one thing.
I promise you it's not that diamond ring.
He's gone. I lost it.
The spectrum of human emotions.
Out
Out
Block it out
Avoid
Avoid
Emotions just need to be avoided
A slut has no emotion, just a place to put it
Experiment.
I am a slut.