-wonder lost

it's more than too long since the pain      
stopped pummeling my thoughts into remission      
I can still recall how many times you've died inside me      
the silence, the crazy, those undertones of how you      
perceive your lies as white, accompanied by every      
smile that almost broke your face...      
       
who ever really knew what love was good for anyway      
and how many times can one wish there wasn't      
a single reason to go home, to sit alone in your head      
wondering why it's so hard to know when to get lost...      
       
sometimes you just have to double down      
where it hurts most when caught in a storm      
of promises made on a notion of ideals      
that were never yours...