if i am not going to live i might as well die

I got a vision of the life I want to live in,
But time after time I find myself making these bad decisions,
Quick to dodge the convictions,
 But I still witness my own sin,
This pain that has been self-inflicted,
The rain comes like it is scripted,
These chains are twisted,
Wicked constricting my ambition,
Vivid like liquid printed on the skin,
All good comes from within,
Written description scratch the surface,
But I am still looking for my purpose
Please pen put this pain in these verses,
Till I am wordless I hope it’s worth it,
I can't reverse the burden,
I am nervous hoping to just survive,
If I am not going to live I might as well just die,
I said if I am not going to live I might as well just die,
As I am losing my mind I bust out these rhymes
Why? I will never be superficial  
I am super something
super tired of being a nothing,
always running,
risking everything for just one more moment,
my mind mystifies even I,
the life of a hopeless poet,
when was the last time I wasn’t committing a crime?
I don’t know it,
Crumbles of the last high line the inside as I drive,
Hoping to die happy,
But the facts seem against me,
I feel so empty,
Do you know what I mean?
Dumping dopamine in the circuitry is certainly suspicious,
I have cursed wishes with a wicked ambition,
Listen I’m not kidding,
I can’t complete this mission,
This condition will leave me swimming with the fishes...

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