Control

I'm Alone
No one to understand
The poison once within me
Controls me
I long for the numbness to ease down my veins
I'd rather be pain free than hurting with no support and Shame
You think its tame
You think it's just a phase
But it's a continuos struggle
And life long race
To stay head above water and not give face
Im weighted in misery
Drowning in a fiery pit of loneliness
No one to overstand the harsh reality I live
I breathe and feed anxiety
Wishing I could drown myself in the beautiful opiate dreams
Everything more real then it seems
Half awake
Morphed shape
I want to be a zombie
Emotionless and heartless
Nothing to feel because nothing seems real.
Just a numb abyss
But instead I carry the weight of fake happiness
Hoping it releases a door to euphoria
Like a butterflies kiss