deepundergroundpoetry.com
Lust
I bequaffed a drink of hell today
For soon i knew there would be hell to pay.
You can't steal from the lords and get your way.
I slit their veins and drank away,
Sucked them dry for the entire day.
At first it's bitter and not really a treat.
Then your feeble and unable, and that's when you know your in to deep.
For soon i knew there would be hell to pay.
You can't steal from the lords and get your way.
I slit their veins and drank away,
Sucked them dry for the entire day.
At first it's bitter and not really a treat.
Then your feeble and unable, and that's when you know your in to deep.
Published 17th Oct 2016
| Edited 24th Jun 2018
Author's Note
I have recently made some changes to this one, i have been wanting to work on it for a while now. Wanting to keep feeble in there but not sure how it rolls
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 688
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
21st Oct 2016 7:33pm
Cool poem/concept! I really enjoy the rhythm here. Bequaffed is an odd word choice, but kinda fun (actually I had to look it up and found quaff to mean drink so it works) If you're gonna go with academia-style verbage, I would definitely change...
there to *their (line4)
drinked to *drank (line 4)
its to *it's (line 6)
week to *weak (line7)
Also maybe rework line 5 to make it less awkward, the rest of the poem really rolls nicely!
there to *their (line4)
drinked to *drank (line 4)
its to *it's (line 6)
week to *weak (line7)
Also maybe rework line 5 to make it less awkward, the rest of the poem really rolls nicely!
4th Nov 2016 10:51pm
I knew what quaff meant, bequaff isn't an actual word, but in poetry you are free to take liberties. Grammar isn't the most important thing to the poet, especially when the readers get the drift of what the poet means!
22nd Oct 2016 10:46pm
23rd Oct 2016 5:12pm
Thank you both for the read and the feed back! And i couldent agree more about that 5th line. I will deffiently be touching up this poem in the future.
