Past pain

Feeling despondent, My mood so low.
My mind churns up pain from so long ago.
Things I thought I had long put to rest,
Bubble up to the surface and tighten my chest.
Overwhelming my thoughts and making them dark,
What were once hazy memories are suddenly stark.
I wade through the deluge that falls from my eyes
and wonder right now how I'm going to survive.
I try to remember the pain's not as raw.
It's not happening now but it happened before.
Temptation sets in for my old way to cope
But not using my blade is giving me hope
I refuse to break my pact to myself, so start cramming those memories back on their shelf.
Even though my mind still will not let me rest,
I'm triumphant.
Why?
I passed the test.