deepundergroundpoetry.com
Opheliac
I do not want you as my own.
But that doesn't mean that I want someone else to have you.
Because I knew you first.
And I may not want you now, but maybe I will someday.
Can't you wait for me?
Until I'm ready to be yours.
Can't you stay?
Until I am ready to be loved.
I know that I do not own you.
But you are still mine.
And one day I may love you.
And I will be yours.
But please stay.
If I knew that I was going to lose you then I would have spoke up.
If I knew that you would be taken from your place by my side and sell your soul to the devil.
I would have opened my door, and cleared away the path.
I wish I had known that you were always mine and that you didn't want anyone else but me.
But I didn't want you as my own.
Until you were someone else's to hold.
And so I am now your Opheliac and I will watch you and want you from a distance.
I will watch you be happy and I will bury away my pain as you smile and push the dagger deep within me.
I know that you will always be there for me but I will push you away.
I know that I can't count on anyone other than you.
I know that you are still rightfully mine and that I will win you back one day.
But for now I am sinking. . .
Below sea level.
And I have a feeling that I may drown.
I can't breathe.
I'm dying. . .
I'm choking. . .
I'm swallowing my own blood. . .
Don't let me go, hold my hand as I make my way through the tunnel.
I must be thankful to be your friend and have seen you happy.
Even if I could have made you happy long ago when you told me your feelings.
And I turned the other way.
When I went to the arms of another instead of seeing that love was there all along.
How could I have not seen that you were always there for me and even when I ripped out your heart and murdered your soul that you were still there for me.
Why is it me that has been blessed with your love and adoration?
While I am cursed to be with another now, but when I see you I know that I want you but I cannot have you because I went to someone else and left you for someone else to take away.
This person is so silly, talking in third person all of the time about the world and demons that rip her apart. Who does she think she is, talking about things that she has experienced but doth not understand. Is she an angel without wings that heaven sent to help the world? Or is she a demonic enchantress that will attempt to steal you away from the one you love. She writes fantasies of the love they never shared. What is wrong with her, can't she see that this is the life that she was given not the life she wanted. She is so intelligent, because she knows what the world is really like. That even if you sit her down and tell her everything will be alright, that she knows in this world she is either angel or devil with no in between. And did you know that she likes to speak in third person but she can't seem to forget that she's . . . Me.
I am an Opheliac.
I can admit it.
I didn't want you.
I didn't love you.
Until I realized that I lost you.
I didn't know you were always mine until it was too late and the vows had been spoken.
I didn't know that you would be there for me no matter what until I was already drowning and I was losing oxygen.
I am an Opheliac.
I have an abnormal obsession with watching you and wanting you.
But then I push you away when you try to help because I can't stand to be with someone.
I can't be your friend.
My world is too unstable.
And even though that you may have seen the end and came back again.
The water is still rising and I am still drowning because I am locked in this casket of a life.
They say that your stockings prove your virtures and that you should keep them clean but I did not listen.
I try to hold back my anger as best as I can, but when I see you with someone else I want to attack.
I will never hurt you.
Except with my words I say, lies I tell, actions I do, and games I play.
I can't stay.
I have to go.
You have to leave.
You can't be here.
Not with me.
I'm sinking again. . .
As the water rises up.
And you can't keep me breathing.
Not this time, my love.
I don't mean to hurt you. . .
Doubt thou the stars on fire.
Doubt thou the sun doth move.
Doubt Truth to be a liar.
But never doubt. . .
That I love . . .
I am an opheliac.
This is my game.
And these are my rules.
I want to stay but I have to go.
I love you.
But I can't have you.
But I want you.
Even though you're not mine.
I just hope that in the end you will see
It's the opheliac in me.
But that doesn't mean that I want someone else to have you.
Because I knew you first.
And I may not want you now, but maybe I will someday.
Can't you wait for me?
Until I'm ready to be yours.
Can't you stay?
Until I am ready to be loved.
I know that I do not own you.
But you are still mine.
And one day I may love you.
And I will be yours.
But please stay.
If I knew that I was going to lose you then I would have spoke up.
If I knew that you would be taken from your place by my side and sell your soul to the devil.
I would have opened my door, and cleared away the path.
I wish I had known that you were always mine and that you didn't want anyone else but me.
But I didn't want you as my own.
Until you were someone else's to hold.
And so I am now your Opheliac and I will watch you and want you from a distance.
I will watch you be happy and I will bury away my pain as you smile and push the dagger deep within me.
I know that you will always be there for me but I will push you away.
I know that I can't count on anyone other than you.
I know that you are still rightfully mine and that I will win you back one day.
But for now I am sinking. . .
Below sea level.
And I have a feeling that I may drown.
I can't breathe.
I'm dying. . .
I'm choking. . .
I'm swallowing my own blood. . .
Don't let me go, hold my hand as I make my way through the tunnel.
I must be thankful to be your friend and have seen you happy.
Even if I could have made you happy long ago when you told me your feelings.
And I turned the other way.
When I went to the arms of another instead of seeing that love was there all along.
How could I have not seen that you were always there for me and even when I ripped out your heart and murdered your soul that you were still there for me.
Why is it me that has been blessed with your love and adoration?
While I am cursed to be with another now, but when I see you I know that I want you but I cannot have you because I went to someone else and left you for someone else to take away.
This person is so silly, talking in third person all of the time about the world and demons that rip her apart. Who does she think she is, talking about things that she has experienced but doth not understand. Is she an angel without wings that heaven sent to help the world? Or is she a demonic enchantress that will attempt to steal you away from the one you love. She writes fantasies of the love they never shared. What is wrong with her, can't she see that this is the life that she was given not the life she wanted. She is so intelligent, because she knows what the world is really like. That even if you sit her down and tell her everything will be alright, that she knows in this world she is either angel or devil with no in between. And did you know that she likes to speak in third person but she can't seem to forget that she's . . . Me.
I am an Opheliac.
I can admit it.
I didn't want you.
I didn't love you.
Until I realized that I lost you.
I didn't know you were always mine until it was too late and the vows had been spoken.
I didn't know that you would be there for me no matter what until I was already drowning and I was losing oxygen.
I am an Opheliac.
I have an abnormal obsession with watching you and wanting you.
But then I push you away when you try to help because I can't stand to be with someone.
I can't be your friend.
My world is too unstable.
And even though that you may have seen the end and came back again.
The water is still rising and I am still drowning because I am locked in this casket of a life.
They say that your stockings prove your virtures and that you should keep them clean but I did not listen.
I try to hold back my anger as best as I can, but when I see you with someone else I want to attack.
I will never hurt you.
Except with my words I say, lies I tell, actions I do, and games I play.
I can't stay.
I have to go.
You have to leave.
You can't be here.
Not with me.
I'm sinking again. . .
As the water rises up.
And you can't keep me breathing.
Not this time, my love.
I don't mean to hurt you. . .
Doubt thou the stars on fire.
Doubt thou the sun doth move.
Doubt Truth to be a liar.
But never doubt. . .
That I love . . .
I am an opheliac.
This is my game.
And these are my rules.
I want to stay but I have to go.
I love you.
But I can't have you.
But I want you.
Even though you're not mine.
I just hope that in the end you will see
It's the opheliac in me.
Published 29th Jul 2011
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6th Mar 2012 9:12pm
The fact that 74 people have read this and no one has commented is stunning...this poem is amazing! And it's going into my reading list :) Amazing job Mad_Girl!!! Perhaps I like it so much because I too have made the fatal mistake of letting love slip through my fingers, only to realize it when it was too late. Once again, great poem!
Anonymous
21st May 2015 11:48am
I love it too and who hasn't made that mistake at least once that has lived at all?..but perhaps because it is so long it can't hold the attention span of many a reader in comparison to much that is written on this site
