Hiding Inside

Why am I like this?
What monster have I become?
I'm wrong in what I say,
Do and how I act.
It started with one thing,
And ended up a hundred.
The pain multiplied,
And has driven me under.
I cannot feel yet I feel, nonetheless.
Trapped in an isolated world
That is cold beyond rest.
The hurt won't leave, it clings
To my soul,
No amount of forgiveness
Can undo what has been done.
Bereft of happiness,
I know only what I've lost.
The sinking feeling that I, Yes I,
Am undeniably lost.
Engulfed in torments
That haunt me like a ghost,
I've been used,
And abused
And tossed away like trash.
People say one thing
And always mean another.
They tell you they love you
Only to find something better.
They say Christ died
So we can have something better,
But what does He know
Of being down under?
Under the dirt,
Buried alive,
By sorrow so bold
You'll believe any lie.
You trust and love
Until you're picking up the pieces,
The pieces of shattered trust
That was broken by another.
Anger seeps in
Until your drowning in the pain,
But no one hears you screaming
Until your drifting away.
Caught up in the tide
Of rage and aggression,
The only thing you know
Is to hide behind the shame,
You let it happen,
Now you have to bear the blame.
No one can know
What is locked up inside,
You dare not show what you can
Barely hide.
The heart carries a thousand scars,
But all you hear is
Suck it up,
Get over it,
Move on,
It really wasn't that bad.
Hurt is hurt, but no matter,
I'll hide it inside.