Fear Becomes Me

 



Nothing...

What Does This Word Mean?
It Is Everywhere & Nowhere. The Life I’ve Lived For Far Too Long Has Been Filled With It. That Un-Life Was Everything To Me, It Was All I Truly Possessed, All I’ve Ever Known. When I Had Nothing To Lose, No Risk Was Too Great & As Such, Anything Seemed Possible. As The Nothingness Consumed Me From The Inside Out, I Grew Numb, Numb To The Reality Of My Empty World. Without Fear, I Traversed A Realm Of Blight & Self-Destruction. Blind To The Truth, Seeing Only The Lie Of My Own Disillusion.
Content To Be Nothing, Have Nothing,
Becoming Smaller To Make It Harder For Something Real To Find Me, Cause The Pivotal Moment, When Anything Worthwhile Actually Found Me...Then...In That Moment, I Would Have Something More Than Nothing To Lose. Terror Barely Describes The Feeling Of Helplessness This Thought Left In It's Wake. Leaving No Trail To Be Followed, No Footprints Left Behind, No Trace Evidence Of My Passing, No Tracks In The Sand To Lead Loss To My Doorstep. A Little Wraith Of Nothing, Taking The Tail-End Of My Shadow-Like Existence, Into It's Mouth & In An Effort To Fill The Emptiness, Swallowing It Whole. But Now Something Has Found Me, A Life That Forever Seemed To Only Belong To Everyone Else. A Chance To Become Something Greater Than The Nothing I Was.

(I AM SO SCARED)

Frightened Beyond Description, Beyond Words. Fear Is Everything To Me Now. Fear Used To Have No Place In My Living Death Of A Dying Life...Not With Nothing To Lose. But Something Had To Break & It Did.
Before This Saving-Grace Of A Break, I Was No-Longer Doing Any Breaking, Having Nothing Left To Break, Being Already Thoroughly Broken. I Worked So Hard, To Disappear, To Fade Away, To Escape. But Escape Isn't The Only Option, As It Once Was, To Move Beyond My Past, I Have To Pull Myself To A Future Without Dredging A Hole In My Soul And To Do That, I Have To Surrender To The Fact, That Although The Past Can't Be Changed, I Can...Like Steel Being Tempered, Become Stronger Because Of It And I Will.