deepundergroundpoetry.com
Trust
Trust
Five simple devastating letters, that goes to the very heart of our relationship.
We are like two sides of the moon, one side light and one side dark.
I feel devastated and I have not slept all night, there does not seem much point.
In a marriage when you learn that the one you love does not trust you
Well it is devastating.
Your harbour lingering doubts that I will betray you
I do not have those doubts or feelings about you or myself
You are me
You are my soul mate and you fulfil me
I sense at times that I have let you down and you feel ashamed of me
Well I have always felt proud of you
I have seen you cower when you were being bullied
But together we got through it
In fact together we can get through anything
That is what we do
You are a very powerful personality and we compliment each other in that regard
I need you to be strong and you need me to be strong for you
When we sat down and put our troubles on a train
We sent the train away; it was never designed to come back
That is how to move on in life
We have lived the mistakes of the past
The question is have we learned from them
Imagine taking all you anxieties and attaching them to a kite
Now fly you kite through the clouds until you can see the kite no more
The day we married I gave you a brand new kite and we cut the strings of the old kite
We made vows to each other; we both know that we have kept them.
You see the train just like the old kite has no part in out lives any more
It has gone, just like a sneeze and it cannot come back.
I have been completely honest with you about the old kite
There is no more I can do
If you feel a lingering doubt that you cannot completely trust me
That will act as a cancer in our marriage
We must sit down and talk this through
If we don’t treat it now then the mistrust will grow
I know precisely what I want from you
Do you know precisely what you want from me?
I can go back into our relationship and identify when we both gave everything to each other without question. We never held back and it was exhilarating.
There is nothing stopping us for doing that today in fact right now
We only have to talk and ask each other
Five simple devastating letters, that goes to the very heart of our relationship.
We are like two sides of the moon, one side light and one side dark.
I feel devastated and I have not slept all night, there does not seem much point.
In a marriage when you learn that the one you love does not trust you
Well it is devastating.
Your harbour lingering doubts that I will betray you
I do not have those doubts or feelings about you or myself
You are me
You are my soul mate and you fulfil me
I sense at times that I have let you down and you feel ashamed of me
Well I have always felt proud of you
I have seen you cower when you were being bullied
But together we got through it
In fact together we can get through anything
That is what we do
You are a very powerful personality and we compliment each other in that regard
I need you to be strong and you need me to be strong for you
When we sat down and put our troubles on a train
We sent the train away; it was never designed to come back
That is how to move on in life
We have lived the mistakes of the past
The question is have we learned from them
Imagine taking all you anxieties and attaching them to a kite
Now fly you kite through the clouds until you can see the kite no more
The day we married I gave you a brand new kite and we cut the strings of the old kite
We made vows to each other; we both know that we have kept them.
You see the train just like the old kite has no part in out lives any more
It has gone, just like a sneeze and it cannot come back.
I have been completely honest with you about the old kite
There is no more I can do
If you feel a lingering doubt that you cannot completely trust me
That will act as a cancer in our marriage
We must sit down and talk this through
If we don’t treat it now then the mistrust will grow
I know precisely what I want from you
Do you know precisely what you want from me?
I can go back into our relationship and identify when we both gave everything to each other without question. We never held back and it was exhilarating.
There is nothing stopping us for doing that today in fact right now
We only have to talk and ask each other
Published 23rd Jul 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 3
reads 1026
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
Anonymous
- Edited 24th Jul 2011 7:31am
23rd Jul 2011 11:49pm
This is considered a journal entry. Not a bad thing, but more a rehashing rationalization aimed at a specific someone than a poem.
Poetry is predicated on a reader-centric standard. You aren't alienating your reader, but this feels more like reading a private note left on a table by accident.
I am going to re-work your first stanza to give you an example of what I mean:
Trust:
Five devastating letters,
consummating our core.
We are opposing sides of the moon -
one luminous, one shadow.
Devastated, insomnia reigns
rendering us mute.
Marriage must embrace conviction.
I must be your safe harbor.
Do not barnacle yourself to fear:
I can only be complete
pressed into your weakness,
you can only be fulfilled
as my glue.
Poetry is predicated on a reader-centric standard. You aren't alienating your reader, but this feels more like reading a private note left on a table by accident.
I am going to re-work your first stanza to give you an example of what I mean:
Trust:
Five devastating letters,
consummating our core.
We are opposing sides of the moon -
one luminous, one shadow.
Devastated, insomnia reigns
rendering us mute.
Marriage must embrace conviction.
I must be your safe harbor.
Do not barnacle yourself to fear:
I can only be complete
pressed into your weakness,
you can only be fulfilled
as my glue.
24th Jul 2011 7:53am
Thanks for your constructive comments.
I tend to write about feelings in a way to open debate and give pause for thought
I like your reworking of the first stanza
In fact I would be interested to see how you rework the rest of the poem
Many thanks
I tend to write about feelings in a way to open debate and give pause for thought
I like your reworking of the first stanza
In fact I would be interested to see how you rework the rest of the poem
Many thanks
Anonymous
24th Jul 2011 7:58am
You are welcome.
I'm not re-writing the rest!!! That's your job. :)
I'm not re-writing the rest!!! That's your job. :)
