Help me ? Theres no saving me

 I am a demon  born from things you can not see
I am the devil look deep inside of me
this smile was born from torture and amphetamines
when I was 13 are lab exploded
gassing the house with a toxic odor
I woke up crazed and confused
thinking to myself I burned the house down
but I don't remember how or when
I panicked I ran from home,
dripping sweat in my underwear  
I remember someone yelling at me
hey kid you ok
I ran from him too scared insane
the meth in my child's brain
I went home and tapped on my sisters window she awoke
jhin what are you doing are you crazy !
omg she smells it to
runs out and hugs me
its gonna be ok she says ..
I'm trembling violently sweating profusely
I hear my sister screaming
my mother threating punishment
if she told anyone about me,
my step dad growling
they come and get me,
and whisper in the corner
what should we do with him he's gonna die
if we dont help him,
lets call the hospital
ask the nurses they did,
I could hear them talking with my mother next to me,
lady are u insane your child is dying
bring him in immediately
phone hangs up cold rags hit my head for hours I hallucinate horrific nothings
I watched the clock spin around for hours seeing creatures break the liquid hell walls of my home. when i was 17 I was granted a schoalship into college
I fucked that up taking the rap for some kid
For a crime I didn't commit
I felt worthless
But I still went
I did one year
before the demons came crawling in
infecting my mind screaming at me
controlling me..
they said I was skitzo-affective with severe PTSD..
,I dropped out of school thinking I was broken
not worthy and started to use and abuse .
I often think how much more intelligent I could be  if that incident didn't happen
who i would be without my parents,
a different time with a different family,
now I often act dumb so I can get along with other humans,
if I act myself and say what I really think people don't relate to me,
im nothing
so i pretend to me stupid so i can have friends that think they get me ,
im all alone with myself
in my self always