7/10/16

 I knew I'd never make it to 18
I wonder why I ever tried
At the age of 7
I had ideas of taking my life
I was never strong
I was exactly what I had endured
Constant pain, my fault for pain
What am I on this earth for
To die
You live and you die
Pain succumbs to nothing
I no longer want this life
My purpose
My heart and my will to live
Lies in the puddle of blood from my heart
That's impossible to heal
Life is terrible
Not what I wanted
Shouldn't be accustomed to pain
Used to being disappointed
Its nothing
And I'm nothing as well
Religion says if you do what I plan to do
Then you're condemned to hell
Feel as though I'm already there
I'm burning or maybe it's these cuts
Misinterpretation and perceptions
Of what I believed love was
Its not the same
Thought I'd be acquainted with the feeling by now
You know the feeling of so much pain
You'll sob if you attempt to open your mouth
Your energy gone
Yet you still have the will to cry
Now imagine feeling that way
For 16 years of your life
"She's crazy"
These tears make my vision hazy
Never got anything I wanted
But I'll get the ending I'm craving
My reasons gone
People say my reasonings off
But when I'm all alone
There's not a soul I can call
Guys that wanna fuck me
While I'm shown that life is "fuck me"
See people die everyday
And dreaming that it was me
I hate me too you know
Mind full of words that'll forever be unsaid
I swear I envisioned nothing but beautiful things with you Inside of my head
Not your fault though
It was already coming soon
Your words just reopened
So many barely healed wounds
And I know this isn't life
It's just mine
No one wants to live
When this is what you feel all the time
I've lost my mind
Destroyed my heart and my soul
Given away everything I loved
So I could never be whole
Never looking for sympathy
Something that's never directed my way
Nothings more painful
Than having to endure another day