make it mean something

i count them.
i count them all.
count them carefully.
and then i say,
i can't do this no more!
and soon ill go to,
1,2,3,4
then i'll go to
5,6,7,8
then i'll say goodbye.
to this bloody night mare.
and the saddest part of all.
i created this shit.
this worthless piece of air.
breathe no more.
no fears.
but just think of the tears.
think of your family.
do i have it in me?
i do.
just not today.
maybe some other day.
when it means something.