i cant smile

How can I smile
I forgot
I haven’t don’t it in a while
It feels like I got shot
But im physically okay
Meantaly I died yesterday  
I am just so done
30 days of night there is no sun
Im always dipressed
Sorry my righting isn happy
Sorry you don’t like the way im dressed
Im just trying to be me
Im sorry I cant conform to what you want me to
Im to fat to fit
So throw your words at me
Ill take it like another hit
The bruses will go away
But my fucked up mind is here to stay