deepundergroundpoetry.com
DRIVING YOU
(a sonnet)
I love tight leather laced to wanton form
Your thicker skin seems supple to my touch
I love how eager in my hands perform
Your pull within as legs tighten your clutch
As hands and legs begin our rhythmic dance
You turn for me with, every move respond
In speed’s increase, your ever changing stance
Deep holding me to push us both beyond
We sense the throb, that place we long to know
Vibrating thick, you love it being there
It’s in as far as it will ever go
A pulsing length with every grip aware
In coming as we finally crest the top
Downshifting, though I pray we never stop
I love tight leather laced to wanton form
Your thicker skin seems supple to my touch
I love how eager in my hands perform
Your pull within as legs tighten your clutch
As hands and legs begin our rhythmic dance
You turn for me with, every move respond
In speed’s increase, your ever changing stance
Deep holding me to push us both beyond
We sense the throb, that place we long to know
Vibrating thick, you love it being there
It’s in as far as it will ever go
A pulsing length with every grip aware
In coming as we finally crest the top
Downshifting, though I pray we never stop
Published 21st May 2016
| Edited 26th May 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 9
reads 860
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
21st May 2016 3:40pm
21st May 2016 3:43pm
Yes I am glad my Ford has really comfortable, cloth seats...
And a good suspension... It really handles rough roads well...
Thanks Jade
geoff
And a good suspension... It really handles rough roads well...
Thanks Jade
geoff
Anonymous
24th May 2016 1:17am
Okay, I can't even pick a favorite here....I love this whole damned thing, every line equally....well done!
With love - Taryn xoxo
With love - Taryn xoxo
25th May 2016 3:06am
Taryn,
Even as I read it now I'm not sure how much is about driving and how much is about sex... but wait, I'm a guy... there's not supposed to be that much difference...😉
I loved mixing the ideas here... I'm just having fun now...
geoff
Even as I read it now I'm not sure how much is about driving and how much is about sex... but wait, I'm a guy... there's not supposed to be that much difference...😉
I loved mixing the ideas here... I'm just having fun now...
geoff
26th May 2016 4:10am
Lovely and rollicking, had me going there for a couple of lines until the coin dropped - it blurred the lines beautifully between sex and driving.
Respectfully (you did say you want honest criticism, yes?), I have a couple of suggestions for carrying the blur even further:
S1 L2: Your thicker skin feels supple to my touch (more immediate, more personal)
S2 L2: You turn for me, with every move respond (the comma separates the two thoughts)
S2 L4: Holding me deep to push us both beyond
The last couplet takes the cake!
Respectfully (you did say you want honest criticism, yes?), I have a couple of suggestions for carrying the blur even further:
S1 L2: Your thicker skin feels supple to my touch (more immediate, more personal)
S2 L2: You turn for me, with every move respond (the comma separates the two thoughts)
S2 L4: Holding me deep to push us both beyond
The last couplet takes the cake!
27th May 2016 1:39am
May -
Thank you so much for the deep read of my poem and your thoughtful suggestions: the comma made so much sense.
As for the word choice and word order - I have my reasons...
Though your suggestions would add to the concept very well
I really like the sound of the line as:
Your thicker skin seems supple to my touch - that hard "F" in the middle of that line sounds out of place
Also I like the change for concept but I was trying to echo the line prior -
In speed's increase
Deep holding me
having those two long "e's" together in the second line didn't sound right to me... I think it's starting out as a song writer... I may be over aware of how I assemble lines...
But once again I so appreciate you read and suggestions...
geoff
Thank you so much for the deep read of my poem and your thoughtful suggestions: the comma made so much sense.
As for the word choice and word order - I have my reasons...
Though your suggestions would add to the concept very well
I really like the sound of the line as:
Your thicker skin seems supple to my touch - that hard "F" in the middle of that line sounds out of place
Also I like the change for concept but I was trying to echo the line prior -
In speed's increase
Deep holding me
having those two long "e's" together in the second line didn't sound right to me... I think it's starting out as a song writer... I may be over aware of how I assemble lines...
But once again I so appreciate you read and suggestions...
geoff
27th May 2016 4:15am
26th May 2016 6:07pm
Whaaaaa?
freakingloversandfuckers..lol
this starting to be outrages
and I love the sensations you
give us.. Jizus!
-Howlings
freakingloversandfuckers..lol
this starting to be outrages
and I love the sensations you
give us.. Jizus!
-Howlings
Howlings,
you make me blush... (not really ;-) ) I have found a new freedom in my erotic writings... based on the encouragement of friends - be prepared...
more outrages follow...
geoff
you make me blush... (not really ;-) ) I have found a new freedom in my erotic writings... based on the encouragement of friends - be prepared...
more outrages follow...
geoff
