The Day You Got Dirt On My New Pants

 
I want to scrub my skin red and raw so I forget how it looked with the bruises you left on it.
I thought your eyes were lit with passion for me,
but it was only lit with lust for my body.
And hair...
When I said "No",
You heard "Yes"
You covered my mouth to mask my fears
and whispered "You want it" in my ear.

Three years later,
I walked around at night alone,
crossing city streets without looking for cars.
I ate less and smoked more,
Hoping someday the cigarettes would kill me.
Because I was already dead inside.

And just typing this my stomach is in knots
Just like my hair was the day you left me on the side of the road.
And my hands are shaking
Just like my legs where
as I tried to walk back home that day…
one mile… one foot of snow

I still flinch when a male raises his hand around me,
and cringe when someone makes a rape joke.
I still can't wear black pants without remembering how you got dirt on the ones I wore that day.